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How This One Word Will Improve Your Success
by Ray Devans
of The Art of the Pickup
December 9th, 2007
We live in a world of causes and effects. A follows B and when it gets cold outside you put on a jacket, when a fire truck sirens blare too loud you cover your ears, when you see a good looking woman your heart beats faster, and so on.
For a lot of our lives we are oblivious to this natural order of causes and effects, we don’t constantly name them each when they happen as that would take too much time. But often times when a certain cause occurs, we unquestioningly follow through with the effect without even really thinking about whether there is a choice for a different effect.
You can call this your “autopilot” response. It is actually a survival mechanism, if you had to think deeply about every choice you are presented with in life, you would waste a lot of time.
So it’s part of human psychology, and maybe even an evolutional response to try to simplify life by repeating past behaviors and also mimic the behavior of others when we don’t have an autopilot response available to us.
Now since we all tend to have this autopilot response, if we are presented with a cause of any sort, we are often more likely to follow through to the presupposed effect than we would be without any given cause, regardless of whether the cause would be considered valid logically.
OK, this may be a bit hard to follow, so let’s illustrate with an example from the book “Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion” by Robert Cialdini. Cialdini writes about an actual experiment where researchers had subjects ask to use a copy machine that was already in use by someone else. In some cases, the subjects would only ask “Excuse me, do you mind if use the copier?” and in other cases, “Excuse me, do you mind if I use the copier, because I need to make copies.”
The result was that when the subjects just asked to use the copier without stating the reason, they were turned down far more often than when they supplied the reason for their request. But it is obvious from the context that even when they didn’t supply the reason that they wanted to use the copier to make copies, so the conclusion is that merely adding the obvious phrase “because I need to make copies” made the difference in getting the request granted.
Our autopilot response to being given a reason preceded by “because” might also come from out childhood years when our parents are constantly telling us things like “you have to eat all your peas because there are people starving in Africa”. At a young age we may not logically care about the starving people in Africa, but we get the emotion behind what our parents are saying, and we obediently follow along. We learned that the word “because” is important and a reason to do something.
Dictionary.com defines the word “because” as follows:
Because – “for the reason that; due to the fact that”
OK, you probably knew that, but it’s worth using this simple word a bit more often in your interactions with people in general and women in particular. Let’s look at some examples:
“Let’s go to this restaurant because it’s the coolest sushi bar I have ever been to.”
“Let’s go by my house first because I need to drop off my bag.”
“Let’s meet for coffee because I can tell you and I would have the most intense conversation once we get a little caffeine in us.”
“We have to go to this bar because it has the most amazing Mojitos you ever.”
All of these statements are much more likely to be accepted because of the use of the word “because”. I use this myself all the time almost unconsciously now, and it works great.
But this is just one piece of a much larger body of knowledge that can improve your results with women, it’s not as helpful if you don’t know about female psychology, body language», opening, following up, getting her back to your place, etc. If you want to get the best possible well rounded learning about how to get amazing results with women, check out “The Art of the Pickup»” DVDs.
In the meantime, get out there and test this new technique out now, BECAUSE the clock is ticking and the women are waiting!
Ray Devans
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