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The Art of the Pickup : Other Men Are NOT Competition

"Other Men Are NOT Competition" / November 16th, 2006

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Other Men Are NOT Competition
by Jay Valens of The Art of the Pickup
November 16th, 2006

You get in your way more than other men get in your way.

You might be thinking, “Jay, I love your newsletters but now I know you’re on crack! Half the people in this world are men and I’m competing with them every day I leave my house and every time I try to meet and date a new woman.”

I’m going to keep things short & sweet today and leave you with something major to think about.

Other men are NOT competition and almost never get in your way with any woman you want.

You are far far more likely to get in your own way.



1. Not approaching when an opportunity to meet a new woman presents itself. You might hesitate, doubt yourself, or simply chicken out. Where is the alleged “other guy” to stop you or hold you back? He’s not there.

2. By not being prepared. How many times have you not bothered to observe the mechanics of the world around you? You have the opportunity every day in life to observe, learn, and practice. You are learning from this newsletter but are you practicing? Where are the “other men” to blindfold you, lock you in your house, and glue your feet to the ground? In your imagination, that’s where.

3. By not maximizing your opportunities. Are you taking advantage of opportunities that appear, or making new opportunities regularly? Are you out being social? Taking interesting classes in your extra time? Visiting interesting places? Traveling? Having parties? Keeping up with your friends? Keeping up with events near where you live? Oh, I forgot, some imaginary “other men” are somehow causing you to not be able to do any of that.

4. By not learning from experience. How many times will you repeat the same mistakes before learning from them? Are you learning from the negative and unproductive behavior of other men or are you learning from YOUR experiences?

What about when you are in a room loaded with other ALLEGED competition?

Just be the first to approach.

Where will your competition be when you’re the first one out the gate? Standing against a wall wishing they had your balls.

OK, OK, I know you are still recollecting back to some times in the past where you were talking to a hot woman and some guy tried to get in your way, kept trying to get in your way, and maybe even succeeded in getting in your way. That is what you’re still wondering about….

It’s really not a big deal and the solution to THAT, and pretty much wrapping up this whole topic of conversation, is simple and I’ll call it the “troubleshooting section”.


Troubleshooting Section

1. You are talking to a woman for at least a short time and both engaged in some level of conversation and interaction & reasonably facing each other with close proximity. A guy comes along and tries to get her attention or distract you generally trying to get attention.

What do you do?

Just ignore him completely and continue talking to the woman as if he was not there at all. Pay about as much attention to him as you would the color of paint on the wall behind you.

You see, when you’re talking to a woman, she is engaged with YOU. She has more social interaction with YOU than with him and in that case, since you are the MAN, she will look to you to lead the situation and if you don’t acknowledge the doofus then she will not either.

The only time this won’t apply is if she’s known him longer than you. In that case, only acknowledge him IF she does first in a meaningful way

If it’s clear he’s her friend or related to her, then acknowledge him positively, that will only help you. Otherwise, he’s NOBODY and you can effectively just pause long enough for her to acknowledge him and continue as if his interaction was meaningless.

2. Let’s say it’s not as simple as that and the doofus is too persistent at trying to block you, and it’s clear she doesn’t know him that well but has at least acknowledged him enough for him to try blasting through your interaction.

Now it’s fair game for you to “assert your turf” by nullifying his. You don’t do this by “competing” because, as you should know by now, other men are not competition. You do this by making it clear to the girl indirectly - by the other guy’s own actions, that he has no turf to begin with.

Here are some examples:

Make comments to him that are back-handed complements.
Ask the girl to ask him stupid questions about himself.
Tell him the girl really likes him and she’s just waiting to hear his best pickup line.

BE CAREFUL and use common sense. If you are 5’6” and 140lbs and he’s 6’6” and built like a linebacker then don’t insult him outright. Your goal is not to piss him off or to even make him think the reason he didn’t get the girl was because of you. The goal is to have him end up walking away because he was made to feel like a doofus through his own actions.

I’ve known some guys who’ve mis-calibrated this and have gotten themselves into physical jeopardy by being sloppy about how they acknowledge other men. Remember, this is a last-ditch, only-when-necessary strategy and ALWAYSE USE COMMON SENSE.

It doesn’t even matter whether he walks away dejected or not, so long as it becomes clear to the girl that he’s got no value in comparison to you.

You can literally have a big obnoxious linebacker supermodel type guy trying to take over your interaction with a girl for hours and you still walk out with the girl.

He could literally stand there trying to block you all night and it won’t matter one lick so long as his presence is not acknowledged by you in any meaningful way and if at any time he downsizes himself with a stupid comment or showing any insecurity in himself.

If you are calm and cool throughout and he flinches even once, he’s out. In fact once he’s out, the longer he hovers, the worse his position gets.

Once it becomes obvious to you this has happened, you can bet it’s become obvious to the woman, and you can start having “inside jokes” with her by talking about the guy indirectly while he’s still standing there.

Not just any other guy,

Jay Valens

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