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To Be or Not To Be - Jealous?
by Jay Valens
of The Art of the Pickup
December 22nd, 2006
The green-eyed monster of jealousy has hit all of us at one time or another.
It’s a natural human state.
In past times, when our access to potential mates was limited, it served a more valuable purpose and kept both men and women on the alert from situations that might potentially cause us to lose our mate to a rival.
In those days, with such limited options available, better to stay with an uncomfortably always-jealous mate than risk the unknown.
Although the logic behind jealousy no longer makes sense in this day and age, it still exists for both men and women and many times is not an emotion we can actively choose not to have. However, awareness of the jealous behaviors of the people around us will shape our thinking about them, whether good or bad.
From the perspective of women, in some ways it is good for them to observe jealous behavior. In other ways, bad.
For example:
- If she is in a relationship with a man and has a feeling of low self-worth, then she will feel good about herself if he occasionally acts jealous (after seeing her talk to other men or asking her probing questions).
- If she has high self-worth or not already in a relationship with the man displaying jealous behaviors, then she will see such jealousy from the man as a negative trait.
Those two examples are the primary thinking women have, but many will still act the opposite of those examples. Some will find small signs of jealousy attractive, some will find it negative, for apparently no rhyme or reason. Some will only react to big displays of jealousy while others are totally turned off by it. Sometimes it depends on the status of the relationship, if any, sometimes it doesn’t
So how should you act? How do you know when it is good to display some jealousy and when it will hurt you? With so many variables, how is it possible to know the best way to act? You may not be able to control your emotions completely but you do have control over what you display on outside and how you display it – so HOW do you know what to display regardless of your internal emotional state?
How? How? How?
I’m glad you asked, because if you haven’t figured it out already, I’m dying to tell you!
First and foremost, if you have no information to go on other than how you feel, then it is always best to not display any outward signs of jealousy and certainly not follow through with behaviors which can be interpreted as the actions of a jealous man. You can always display jealously LATER but once you display jealous behavior she can observe, you can’t take it back. One step forward, no steps back.
So your base is to not display jealousy at all.
If you can do that, your next strategy is to observe and pay attention. What you pay attention to is her conversations about her past relationships. No matter what she claims about what she likes or doesn’t like, if the perceived behavior the men she was previously involved with were regular signs of jealously, then that’s what she will react to. If she didn’t like it so much, she wouldn’t have been with them, right? Don’t ask her specifically about aspects of jealously, but do have her tell you about the reasons the relationships ended. So long as the reason was unrelated to jealously, then you can bet that whatever the behavior of those men in regards to jealousy is what she will react to positively, no matter what she says.
She can say “My ex-boyfriend used to get jealous whenever he saw me talking to other guys. I hated when he got that way.” but really she probably actually liked it. Unless she says “I hated it so much, that it’s the reason I broke up with him.” Then it’s highly likely if, at a later time, you display a bit of jealousy, she will like it. She won’t say it, and she may even tell you she hates it, but she will like it.
If, however, she talks about how her ex-boyfriend never seemed to be jealous of anything she did, and that she wished he would sometimes be jealous, then it’s very probable she liked the non-jealous behavior EVEN IF she says she didn’t like it.
The point here is to not pay attention to what she claims she likes or dislikes, but to pay attention what has worked on her before to stimulate her attraction.
If a guy acted a certain way, no matter whether she claims to have liked it or not, if he got with her then that’s what works and that’s the behavior you display.
Just don’t ever tell her you are aware of this. I shouldn’t have to tell you doing that is not only retarded but counter-productive. Don’t tell her “Ah, that means you LIKE that” or “yeah right, you don’t really want that” because then she will scrutinize your own behavior from that point on and perceive that you’re only acting a certain way because you think it will help you get in her pants rather than your own natural behavior.
A woman is more likely to hook up with a tool who she believes is being himself (and whose behavior matches her attraction triggers) than a sharp suave guy who she knows is not acting genuine to his nature. So, keep your observations of her on the down low and just simply progress with the behavior you know will be the most productive.
This advice stands for any new skills you will learn - don’t go trying to impress women by showing them that you “know what’s going on”. Just simply keep it to yourself under the radar and you’ll do fine.
Remember, stay keen not green!
Jay Valens
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