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The Art of the Pickup : What If She Only Wants To Give You An Email Address

"What If She Only Wants To Give You An Email Address" / December 11th, 2006

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What If She Only Wants To Give You An Email Address
by Ray Devans of The Art of the Pickup
December 11th, 2006

If you try to contact close enough women, you will inevitably hear the following line:

“I’m sorry, I don’t give out my phone number to strangers.”

Now, there are a lot of ways to get around this type of resistance and convince her to actually give you her cell phone number. We cover this exact type of scenario in our alternate scenes in the “Art of the Pickup»DVDs.

In this day and age, you might also hear her add:

“I can give you my email address instead.”

Sometimes you can even anticipate this exact type of resistance, and ask just for her email address first. Then while she is in the process of writing down her email address, you ask for the phone number!

The idea behind this is from a sociology principle whereby people want to be consistent with their actions and since she has already complied to your request for an email address and is already writing it down, the extra step of writing her phone number seems natural and consistent. This simple sequence will drastically improve your chances of actually getting her phone number.

Now, I could end this newsletter here, as you already have a great tip to use.

But, the fact is there will be times when no matter what, she just won’t give out her phone number. There can be any number of reasons for this (usually they all have to do with her wanting to be able to screen you) but its more important to just understand that sometimes you will be forced to communicate with her by email.

So I want to impress on you the importance of being able to write a good email to get a girl’s interest, because sometimes that is all you will have left! It’s happened to me more times than I care to admit, but I am happy to report I usually succeed.

What made me think about this recently in particular aside from my own experiences was a few passages I was reading yesterday in Chapter 9 of a book called “The Future of Men” by Marian Salzman, Ira Matathia, and Ann O’Reilly. Here are a few of the ones that stood out to me:

“The fact that so many of their potential mates are unknown to them and their families is one reason so many women are turning to dating sites» and systems…”

“What we’re seeing isn’t just a fleeting fad of women expressing their independence. We believe we’re in the midst of an important shift of power taking place in the mating game as played between men and women. For most of history, women haven’t had much choice about whether they paired up with a man… Now it seems that women are choosing not only with whom they want to play the mating game, but even whether to play at all.”


“What this means for men is that they can’t automatically expect to find a woman willing to play the mating game with them on their terms. They’re selling in a buyer’s market, so they need to work out some new sales pitches…”

To put this in simpler terms, my take away from all of this was that:

1) Women screen men now more than ever before in history because they have more choices than ever before in history.

2) One of the ways they screen men is through the Internet, and that means you will increasingly have to communicate with women by email.

3) We need some new “sales pitches” that we can communicate by email.

Whether it is through dating sites», social networking sites, or women you have actually met but were only able to get their email address, email is going to be a vital part of determining if you succeed or fail with women.

Reading that chapter made me feel even better about the content we put into “The Art of the Pickup»DVDs. That is because it is now an absolutely essential skill to have to be able to communicate effectively with women by email, and the DVDs teach you that skill.

In “The Art of the Pickup»DVDs, we used a set of rules that Jay Valens developed over the years for writing emails to women. They were developed from his own experiences and those of other men in order to maximize the chances she will see your mail in the first place and then want to respond to it.

These rules also help you avoid common pitfalls, and tell you how to move forward to meeting her again in person. The rules are laid out for you and then you actually look over the shoulder of one of the guys in “The Art of the Pickup»” as he writes example emails.

As I sat there and thought about what was in the book and the confirmation of how important this single skill of writing emails to women has been in my life, I knew I had to write a newsletter about it. Especially for those who haven’t yet taken the step of buying a copy for themselves, I thought, “Hey, Christmas is right around the corner, and what is better than buying yourself a future with much more success with women in 2007?”

Seriously, as each year goes by the skills you will learn in “The Art of the Pickup»” (of which email skills are just a small but very important part) are just going to get more valuable to you, so I encourage you to invest in yourself this Christmas and start that process by clicking the link above now.

Waiting for more of your emails… your praise, your questions, and your success!

Ray Devans

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