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Lay Report: I Wanna Know What Love Is

mASF post by jlaix

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Lay Report: I Wanna Know What Love Is
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mASF post by "jlaix"
posted on: mASF forum: Field Reports Discussion, July 7, 2005

I know some of you have been clamoring to hear a jlaix report where I stay
sober during the pickup.

Well, too bad. Go fuck yourselves. What is this, bible study? Prison camp? Can
no one have fun here? DESTRUCTIONADOS!!

Ahem. Right. So here’s the scene:

I wake up from my disco nap on Monday night at around 9pm. I drive over to
Che’s house, and score some Cialis. See, Che just started taking Lexapro, and
it was adversely affecting his ability to become aroused. So his doc took
things in a new direction (sp) and gave him a scrip for the Cialis, but then he
started taking Wellbutrin as well, and this solved the problem, so now he’s got
this prescription he doesn’t even need. Well, I stepped in to take it off his

He gives me five pills. Nice… they’re the brand name Cialis, not that other
shit in the capsules I was getting on the street. I tuck them in my pocket and
then decide to make my way to El Rio for $1 Drink Night aka “Vroom”.

I convince Che to come along… he’s AFC though, so I expect him to disappear as
soon as I get into set, but hey. Baby steps… get them out of the house and
maybe they’ll learn something. That’s the extent I go to with these guys…
unless they ASK me to teach them, I’m not gonna be Captain Save-a-chode.

We get there, and I’m super excited, on the prowl for my new primary. I just
step to the first set I see, without thinking, and open them with Thug Lovin.
There are three of them, all girls, two 6s and one 8. They open instantly due
to my extremely nonchalant yet supremely confident demeanor, then I slam them
in the fucking head with some high octane material, which I deliver impeccably.
Not trying to toot my own horn here, the point is, I WAS IN STATE. The zone,
calibration was on… like a jockey in the home stretch, riding that shit on the
edge, knowing just how much to let it out, how much to crack the whip, touch
and go…

So, I befriend the peers first. All of a sudden though, one asks me, “Are you
the dating coach? We heard there was a dating coach here and we came to find

Somebody’s been telling tales out of school yo!

I say, “What the fuck is that?”

They say it’s like Hitch that movie, and I’m like, “That’s absurd.”

Then I isolate the 8, we’ll call her HB Cowhide. We go out back to the deck,
and as I’m gaming her up there are several thugs milling about, sort of giving
glances at my chick, like they’re gonna roll up and steal her from me… yeah
right bitch! These thugs are so cuddly and adorable, they act all hard but they
couldn’t seduce their way out of a nutsack. Chodes in Roc-a-Wear clothing.

I run the usual routines at the appropriate times, but mainly I’m getting close
to her, in her face, upping the kino and using my voice and facial expressions
to hypnotize her, it’s the training taking over, total unconscious competence.
I am acutely aware that she is a low 8, as opposed to, say, a 9… where my
margin for error would be substantially less, but I suspect I was “on” enough
to handle that, should one have presented herself. It seems so easy. A couple
9s walk in and I am VERRRY tempted to eject and hit them up, but things are so
obviously on with this target that I demur and decide to play this one to the
hilt. Not a huge fan of short set method these days, sometimes with short set
you end up spreading yourself too thin and end up with nothing. Then again,
there is something to be said for not putting all your eggs in one basket.
Regardless, I make my choice and stick to it.

I do a takeaway and make a round, chat with an ex-student and exhort him to
“stop being a little faggot” right before I shove him into a set. I lecture
someone else about something for like five minutes. I sell one of the Cialis to
some guy in the bathroom for ten bucks.

Then I see that chick from the Auld Lang Syne 3LR, some idiot (an apparent Fan
Club President Orbiter of some sort) is talking at her. I roll up and just
stand between them and ignore the chode as I say very calmly, “I hate you” with
this smirk on the face.

The chode is stunned and indignant looking, at least that’s what I assume he
looked like, as I didn’t acknowledge him at all. I then punch the chick lightly
and say, “Hahaaaa just kidding, you know I love you. So what’s been going on?”

She’s acting very cold towards me, I think she’s embarrassed or something, I
freak the hell out of her… She called Chessyy and basically told her she wanted
a relationship with her and NOT ME… lesbian virgin apparently wants nothing to
do with jlaix. Ok, I chat her friends and then leave.

Back to my other chick. Some chode is there, and I just ignore him, he’s a
complete “doojz bahg” as christophe would say. He makes some VERY weak attempt
to AMOG me, I forget what, but I just use standard amog DLV tactics and he is
duly tooled. Not a challenge, but I respect the fact that he even TRIED, so
when he goes TR on me later I condescend to chat with him for a while, as he
seems intrigued by the “dating coach” shit… I copped to it to the girls, and
they were busting my balls for it, but I just acted sad and said, “Hey don’t
make fun of my job, I don’t make fun of yours. That’s really mean.” This seemed
to completely disarm them, this somehow made it “okay” that I’m a complete
fucking manwhore sleazebag. LOL

By this time, I’m into the hardcore qualifying again. Jesus Christ on a stick
guys, this is the POWERFUL POWERFUL STUFF when applied at the right time, which
I’m learning is fairly early (but not TOO early which IMO was the main problem
with the old SS model where these creepy weirdos roll up and immediately start
asking about golden bubble delight visualizations with a unicorn from beyond

Go in and BOOM hook them quick, then roll this shit out while they’re all
stunned. Like a poem or a well-executed beat down. BOOM they love you and go

Anyways, things are going along nicely when all of the sudden, HBLesbianVirgin
rolls up all serious and says to my target, “I need to talk to you.”

The target is taken aback by her serious demeanor, and is like, “Who the fuck
are you?”

After an interminable pause, I realize what’s going on: HB LesbianVirgin has
mistaken my target for Chessclub. I laugh, because they do look somewhat
similar. I say, “Oh, you thought she was Chessclub! Nah, this is HB Cowhide!
That’s funny,” then I turn more serious, “Listen… I’m sorry I flaked on you
The chick looks embarrassed.

Then my target says, “Who’s ChessClub?”

I say, with HB LesbianVirgin standing RIGHT THERE, “Oh, chesslub’s my ex gf. We
fucked this chick last week.”

Everyone laughs, and the little LesbianVirgin slinks away. Fuck her. Try to
front on me? I’ll pawn your ass back to the stone age little ho! It’s kinda
fucked up how well a brutal pawn like that can skyrocket attraction, but it
certainly did the job in this instance, as well as letting the target know that
I expect threesomes if she’s gonna fuck around with me.

Closing time, I venue change her and her friend to Phone Bizzle. That chode
tags along, I tried to foist a creepy old gay guy on him, but he was able to
escape. We all go together. Fine, he can occupy the friend. At the Bizzle he
tries to AMOG me again by saying, “She’s going home with you man!” all loud and
shit. I look at him like he’s crazy and say, “What the fuck dude, that’s gross,
this chick is my little sister!”

I mean, COME ON, does this guy know who the fuck I am?

After Phone Bizzle, I give the chicks a ride home. I decide to play solid game
on this one and get the number. I get it SOLID as possible ( although it’s
funny how many times Ive run what I thought to be a perfect solid set and had
the chick flake on me, you just have to shrug it off) and drive them home.

As they get out, I help Cowhide out of the car and hug and kiss her lightly.
Magical. I ride home singing Journey.

Next day: I call the chick after work. She answers on the first ring as
instructed. I get hard. I do a quick callback humor bit then tell this story
about how a guest at the restaurant at work complained about his salad and
demanded that someone toss his salad OVER and OVER, very loudly. Then I let her
talk for a while, then I say fuck it, I’m going for the meetup. “Meet me at
karaoke later. We’ll have fun, it’ll be cool.”

After some mild convincing (basically just strong frame and leading questions
like, “what are you doing AFTER that?”) she agrees to meet at 9.

I apply a Soothing Gel Mask with antioxidant Green Tea extract by Kiehl’s and
clean my house up. Vacuum, bathroom (ensuring tp levels, cleaning piss off the
floor), dim the lights, set the music, put a glass of water next to the bed so
I won’t have to get up after I fuck her to get a drink. I throw on a shirt I
just got featuring a Russian prison tattoo design with a tiger holding a knife
and the words “take out bitches, stool pigeons and traitors” in Cyrillic
lettering. I pop a Cialis and leave.

I get there and she’s already there. I greet all the staff, get a drink, then
approach her. She looks good. It seems a little awkward at first, but I think
it was in my head because I notice her BL facing me. I withhold my BL for a
while, then turn to face her and start in. A couple minutes pass then I find my
groove. I stare into her eyes and slowly I feel the synthetic oneitis coming
on, like good blotter acid. Love, ohhh love…

I look down and my eyes go wide, she is wearing a black leather miniskirt… I
told her on the phone to “wear something cute… so we match” but this is going
above and beyond the call of duty. Bravo! I am mesmerized by this for a while,
but I get it sort of under control.

Now the qualifying and rapport shit begins in earnest, I find commonalities and
do the cube and a bunch of other stuff like philosophies and identity
grounding. At some point, after I sing “Can’t Fight This Feelin” by REO
Speedwagon but before I sing “Juke Box Hero”, I realize I may be going
overboard and I simply move into vibing with kino. I say, “Let’s get out of

Where are we going? Club Jeffy. Usual routine. Play basket ball, drink, watch
Aqua Teen Hunger Force (the one where the Mooninites return and win the
Foreigner Belt at skee ball). Pretty straightforward after that, “come here let
me show you a trick” and tonguedown. Soon, I wanna lick it, and proceed to do
so… there is mild resistance, I just say, “I’m the best, you will like it grrrr
sniff” as I snuffle and snort around at her crotch… finally the gates open, and
holy shit whaddya know she’s not wearing any panties. My already painfully
throbbing, pharmaceutically-enhanced weener becomes several levels harder on
the Mohr scale. Guess what comes next, I eat it and then FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF

After I finish, I drink another beer and smoke some pot. We talk a little about
the pickup, debrief. She says she wasn’t going to sleep with me, that she
didn’t want to be “number 59”. I’m like what the fuck? Apparently, that chode
was trying to undermine me with my chick and was talking shit. Didn’t work
asshole, you can’t fucks wit the nigga, I’m holding my piece, I’m ballin down
the ‘Crans with my khakis CREASED. The nerve on that guy. Fuck him, enjoy your
6, bro!

Aaaaanyways, after this, I FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF HER AGAIN, for like an hour and
a half straight. We go to sleep.

I wake up and I’m late for work, because I forgot to set the alarm.
Nevertheless, the Cialis lasts 36 hours, so I FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF HER *AGAIN*.

I go to work, she takes the legendary ‘walk of shame’. I don’t know why they
call it that, there’s no reason to be ashamed about sweet love, OR getting your
cervix pulverized into jelly by a fat drunk hopped up on weener pills.

Nice girl, I like her. Wanted to fuck the shit out of her again tonight, but
she was busy and apologized blah blah blah. Oh well, got bootcamp tomorrow,
fresh chicks await!

I guess for the moment I’ll just fuck some kind of gourd or something, like a
summer squash.

I love you all.

what's the difference between us? we can start at the penis; or we can scream
"i just don't give a fuck" and see who means it.

Unless otherwise noted, this article is Copyright©2005 by "jlaix" with implicit permission provided to for reproduction. Any other use is prohibited without the explicit permission of the original author.


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