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Lay Report (w/ pics): HB8WhiteBikini @ FHM Miss University

mASF post by Hoobie

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Lay Report (w/ pics): HB8WhiteBikini @ FHM Miss University
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mASF post by "Hoobie"
posted on: mASF forum: Field Reports Discussion, July 7, 2004

I'm still trying to figure out exactly how I managed to
pull this off. It's probably one of the most straight
forward easy lays in what should have been an extremely
difficult situation.

It was another Thursday night. I'd spent all day surfing the rarefied grounds
of which is the Mystery Lounge and I was feeling a little antsy because I
hadn't been sarging since the previous saturday night... and With only 1 FB on
the go, and HB9NewOneitis not calling nor contactable (she lost her phone) it
was really starting to get to me.

So I called my main wing DangerousDan and he put us on the door for FHM's Miss
University bikini contest. We'd been to the first heat a few weeks previous and
although it was a AFC cockfarm -- the chicks watching the show get really
catty/de-validated, and the guys become blithering dorks.

Come 10 o'clock. DangerousDan sms's me saying he can't come, so I take along
one of my Melbourne Lair foot soldiers - Aaron, who has only been in the game
for 4 months but is really enthusiastic. I figure, if I'm not going to PU
tonight, I may as well spend a couple hours staring at chicks in bikinis and
have fun torturing a newbie.

When we get to the venue - Silvers Nightclub in South Yarra (10 minutes away
from the city). It is indeed a sausage factory. I'm talking about a 20 to 1
ratio of guys to girl... And you're probably think that's an exageration. Right
off the bat I start pointing out sets for Aaron to enter (there are only 5 in
whole the room), while I grab a beer sit down and relax before the bikini
contest starts. One thing I've noticed about taking out people who really look
up to you, is that it seriously puts a lot more pressure on your own
approaching, so I'm never quite as high energy and unreserved as I am normally.

The Miss University contest starts, and I move to the front next to the biggest
set of girls in the venue (a 5set). I hear them going crazy, screaming out
"HB8.5OrangeBikini!!!". It rings a bell somewhere in a long long sarge memory,
so I turn around to the chick next to me. After a second of staring at her ...
I'm like "Holly Shit! I remember you! ... HB7Freckles!!!". She was part of a
2set that me and Dan had extracted and made out with 2 months ago - we ended up
losing them that night because they suddenly got a bad case of the ASDs and
left us to "meet up with other friends" at another club, we walked away after
swapping numbers, but never bothered to call them. On that night HB7Freckles
was DangerousDan's target, and HB8.5OrangeBikini place was mine.

Anyway, on this night HB7Freckles is being super friendly, like she totally
loves me and is introducing me to all her other friends. So when
HB8.5OrangeBikini comes down the catwalk she screams out "hey look! It's
Hoobie!!!" to which HB8.5OrangeBikini licks her lips and winks at me.

So I watch the show, happily snapping pictures while maintaining a conversation
with HB7Freckles (where she is the one who keeps re-initiating).

During the whole contest, I didn't really actually pay much attention at all to
HB8WhiteBikini - the one I ended up banging. There were quite a few other
chicks there, and unless they had big boobs, I wasn't really all that
interested. Although, I did notice that she kinda looked like the band camp
chick from American Pie.

Finally the contest ends, with HB8.5OrangeBikini winning first place, and two
other skinny chicks coming in second and third. If it was up to me, I would
have gone for the 2 big titty ones.

So, HB8.5OrangeBikini comes out from the backstage changing rooms and we're all
hanging out, much to the amazement and envy of the rest of the AFCs in the
club. I'm running the set, teasing and negging HB8.5, like how she walks funny,
and how she's such a big star now, but she isn't biting. She has the "floating
on cloud 9", I don't see all you little people" look in her eyes. Obviously the
ultimate validation (that night) of being crowned 1st place in the third heat
of a national men's magazine's Miss University
bikini contest is enough for her. I look around the room and see some of the
other chicks standing around in their little support groups. I catch
HB8WhiteBikini giving me some hardcore EC. I keep it until she smiles and looks
away. My social proof was pretty phenomenal at that point, but I decide to call
it a night, and save the mojo for Friday night. I kiss everyone good bye, and
HB7Freckles has the "awwww, don't go!" look in her eyes.

Me and Aaron, leave the club to head home, both relatively satisfied that even
though we didn't pull ... We had fun anyway. We stand around a while and shoot
the shit about his sleek Mazda RX7 and about Melbourne Lair stuff.

After Aaron leaves, I get into my car, and I'm just about to drive off when my
phone beeps with the sweet sound of a new text message.

It's from HB7Freckles:

"Oi, spunky, where r u? We r at CafeGreco. Cum n show us ur pix!"

It was 12 midnight at this stage, and I had to work the next morning... But
fuck it, this is a big IOI if there ever was one. So, I make my way down to
late night the cafe, where HB7Freckles, HB8.5OrangeBikini, HB8WhiteBikini, 2
other bikini contestants HBs and one of their BFs is sitting at a table in the

They all welcome me with big smiles, except for the BF - who has the "fuck off,
these are my bitches" look, and it seems like HB8.5OrangeBikini has come down
to earth, but she's still not showing anything beyond general courteousness.
It's quite clear that it is HB7Freckles wants to jump my bones... But, really
after seeing all those other hotties in skimpy gear I've got a case of the
"Shallow Hal" syndrome.

The BF starts AMOG'ing me asking me why do I take so many pictures. I don't
look at him, and keep my attention on the girls - (keep in mind this is all
done very high energy, with a big smirk).

AMOG: "So are you one of those dorks who jerks off to them when you get home?"

H: "Nah, not anymore. These days I like to cut and paste all your faces on
German anal sex porn ... duh... (rolls eyes) and then I post them on the
internet site that shows you how to pick up girls!"

They all burst out laughing -- "eewwwww!"

H: "You should sooooo check it out!!! It's not porn... It's inspirational!!!"

The guy is about to speak, but I cut him off.

H: "But, fuck dude, look who I'm talking to. You don't need anybody to show you
how to pick up chicks... You da man, motherfucker!"

I try to high five him, but he doesn't budge. "No, dude! Like this" and I grab
his hand.

(credit jlaix's AMOG list)

H: "Dude, you're like that cool guy off Big Brother."

All the girls are like "which one, which one!?"

H: The good looking blonde surfer guy, who has all the chicks creaming
themselves for him. I sooooo wanted to be a surfer back in year 8, like when
all the surfer brands were cool. Holy shit dude! Don't tell me that's a Rip
Curl watch! Oh, fuck!!! I would have killed for one of those back in
highschool! Like I mean, totally muuurderred! Those were like soooooo cool!!!
Shit, how much did that cost you man???"

The amog guy looks at me totally speechless, his girlfriend has sort of turned
her body more towards me now, and HB8WhiteBikini who is next to me is kino'ing
me like mad.

H: "When I came in here, you know what I thought? I thought, fuck. That guy is
a PIMP... LIke that 50 Cent song, motherfucking P.I.M.P ..."

AMOG: "yeah? When you came in I thought you were a fag!" (smirk)

H: "Woah! Dude, take it easy man! You can't go around propositioning me with
your lady sitting right next to you! At least wait til she leaves before you
ask me for an assfuck next time, OK?".

By this stage, he had a total "WTF?" look on his face, and just turned to his
GF, and started making out ... It was wierd.

H: (to the girls) "Is he always like this?"

Girls: "YES!"

By this stage the chicks were all looking at me, so I gave HB7Freckles and
HB8.5OrangeBikini my little Canon IXUS digicam to look at the pics.
HB8WhiteBikini is ignoring the camera and is looking at me.

HB8: (fiddling with her hair) "You know, you wouldn't have to cut and paste my

I take this as a *MASSIVE* IOI and a bit of shit test so I ignore it, and don't

Hoobie: "So, you plan on partying much longer tonight (it's 1am)?"

HB8: "Nah, *yawn* I'm really tired. I had to get up early to catch a train back
home tommorow"

Hoobie: "Train? Where do you live?"

HB8: "In Lancefield, out passed Sunbury (which incidently is 2 hours away), but
I'm staying at a friends place in the city... I'm gonna have to catch a taxi.
Where are you?"

Hoobie: "Next to the city... C'mon let's go!" I get up and lightly tap her

And to my surprise she gets and grabs her gear too. She had like a big backpack
with 3 changes of clothes and 3 pairs of shoes in there.

I say bye to everyone and even shake AMOG's hand - who does so very very
grudgingly. And walk away from table with my back turned to it.
HB9Bikini2ndPlace is saying her goodbyes. I can hear HB8WhiteBikini saying "he
is JUST going to give me a lift"... I'm standing there for a whole 5 minutes,
thinking that there is NO WAY in HELL is this gonna work. And that her friends
were seriously gonna cockblock!

Much to my relief and dismay, she joins me and we leave together.

On the way to the car, I get her to hold on to me to keep me warm (it's
Winter!)... I ask her what perfume she's wearing as we're walking along and
start doing the sniffing thing behind her ear. She responds well, so it's full
steam ahead. I take her to the car, where we continue to make
out and steam up the windows by shagging in the backseat of the Saab.

Afterwards, just as I drop her off I take a few more happy snaps for memory's

HB8WhiteBikini: "Hey... You don't really put these pictures on the internet do

Me: "..."

ps. and being the sick perverted motherfucker that I am they're in my gallery.

International Playboy Prince at large.

Unless otherwise noted, this article is Copyright©2004 by "Hoobie" with implicit permission provided to for reproduction. Any other use is prohibited without the explicit permission of the original author.


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