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Narcissistic Supply

mASF post by Nineteen84

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Narcissistic Supply
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mASF post by "Nineteen84"
posted on: mASF forum: Advanced Discussion, August 8, 2005

"Pathological narcissism involves an impaired, dysfunctional, immature (true)
self coupled with a compensatory fiction (the False Self). The sick
narcissist's sense of self-worth and self-esteem derive entirely from audience
feedback. The narcissist has no self-esteem or self-worth of his own (no such
ego functions). In the absence of observers, the narcissist shrivels to
non-existence and feels dead. Hence the narcissist's preying habits in his
constant pursuit of narcissistic supply."

I am a narcissist. Being a social outcast from an early age and having no
success with women lead me to deal with my reality by building a false one
around myself. This is a common psychological defence mechanism. In my reality
I am always right and the best at everything I do. I have no self esteem of my
own and thus I derive it from things which enforce my reality.

After spending a year studying the game I have started to get laid and have
built a social life for myself. I'm starting to get obsessed and I'm making
rapid progress. Yet i am not happy. My entire sense of self worth is based on
my level of success with women. When i succeed with women I gain narcissistic
supply and feel good about myself. This lasts a day at most before i need more
validation. Without validation i sink back into my depression, visions of
grandure and violent revenge fantasies.

I'm quite good at hiding this side of myself from others but it still affects
my level of happiness. My theory is that anyone who doesn't have success with
women at the beginning of their lives is perminantly damaged psychologicly and
will still have psychological problems similar to mine even if they have high
levels of success in later life. I'm only 19 and i feel like its really fucking
me up. I'm sure a lot of people in the community suffer from the same thing as
me weather they are conscious of it or not. Does anyone have any good copeing
strategies to deal with it?

Unless otherwise noted, this article is Copyright©2005 by "Nineteen84" with implicit permission provided to for reproduction. Any other use is prohibited without the explicit permission of the original author.


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