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Field Report: Good start, weird finish (Lay Fuck Up Report?)

mASF post by Canes

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Field Report: Good start, weird finish (Lay Fuck Up Report?)
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mASF post by "Canes"
posted on: mASF forum: Field Reports Discussion, August 8, 2005

In my last FR and crazy drunk bar outing, I was Mr. Social, walking around
shaking everybody's hand and saying "having a good time? Have a good time,
man," no matter who it was.

Here's a reprint of what I tried to learn since that time, and if I did it or

-Do this shit SOBER!


-Cocky/funny when they touch you better be SOLID, not gay-ass. Goes for all
CF. One fucking line. "Hands off the merchandise."

So many oppurtunities to use that line again. Gosh I gotta start using it.

-Approach facing AWAY, asshole.

Does backing up into her with your ass count?

-Hot women get into me quickly.

Still true, there may be a drunk Canes alpha aura or something.

-I need to memorize high octane chick crack material for these environments. I
wasn't even in any clubs. Gotta be prepared.

I was prepared, but I guess too drunk to remember to do anything. I really
wanna start doing Mystery's question game--I did it to a friend (HB5) and she
was all into it, even though she's a virgin and has nothing interesting to

-Stay in a set, stay in a set, stay in a set. All of my "sets" were like a
minute. Sure they were kiss-closes, but the weakest kiss-closes EVER. For my
22nd birthday, I'd better make out with as many girls as I had cute little
cheek-kisses on my 21st.

This time I at least experimented and stayed with some people for a while.

-Again, do this shit sober! My game was NOT upped by the approaches I did, I'm

This time I have the feeling it was. An ounce of drunk action is worth a ton
of sober theory.

-Assume attraction. Not really application to this FR, but it's a great rule.


So anyway, it's me and alpha roommate, who is sans girlfriend. She's in
[random state], which means he's out strolling for pussy, even a fat chick's.
Don't tell her. This quest of his will land us in a pretty funny spot later

We go in the bar and I'm feeling a little self-conscious and nervous. I have
to keep going to these places sober so that I can adapt to the environment.
I'd been a shy guy all my life, and even through some of college, so the whole
environment where three hot women are getting out of taxies left and right
while guys chase them and dress all cool is new to me. But I like it, and want
to experience it more.

My buddy tells me what to get, and I get it. It's a strong drink. Once we get
our drinks, we're out to the other area of the bar, which is basically another
bar and an open place with tables and stuff.

We're out halfway between the bar and outside when a HBDrunkGirl (like a 6) and
her friend approach us. They're clearly drunk, touching us and stuff. My
girl, HBKiss, says I remind her of her friend Jamie or something like that.
She's touching me immediately, so I just go "kiss me" and we kiss. Like 15
seconds into it. Solid game? Maybe not, but it beats 5 minutes of solid game
with no kiss and a #flake. (She was drunk)

Me and my buddy are enjoying the attention, so I let HBKiss grind on me a
little bit and I make out with her a little more. I'm trying to figure out how
good of a kisser I am. Anyone have a good way to practice?

These girls were completely gone, seeing as HBDrunkGirl was basically just
letting her boobs pop out and neither of them resisted anything we did at all.
We eventually lose them to their group. Turns out they're at a bachelorette
party or something.

I'm getting drunker and drunker, and we go to the bar where a guy makes me a
Long Island Iced Tea without soda in it. I've given up all carbonated shit for
the summer, and my commitment to it is so deep that even drunk, I'll go nuts
over it.

I talk to a girl--but I can't nickname her "HB" because she's not hot. Should
I call her UG5 or something? She looked like 28 years old or something, way
older than me, and was chubby. Was at least dolled up and shit. I tell her
she's my second favorite girl of the night. She was too ugly for the neg to
really work, but then I got her to grind up on me in order for me to declare
her my favorite. "Hey Ya" comes on, the women freak out, and I laugh because
it's exactly like TD's talked about. "I LOVE THIS SONG!!"

At some point, there are two black girls, HBSkinny and HBTooSober, sitting in
one of the booths. I tease them a little bit, and HBSkinny tells me to keep
her seat warm because I stole it. I start high-fiving everyone who walks by,
and HBSkinny is like "you are crazy," but she's smiling so it's all good,

My buddy comes over and has his arm around HBSkinny, and I sit with HBTooSober
who is, obviously, too sober. They tell us they don't come to bars much.
HBTooSober tells me I have to do the fist-thing to people instead of
high-fiving them, so throughout the rest of the night, I do it to probably like
50 people. Black, white, man, woman, whoever. I even did it to the
manager/owner, and he was all into it.

We eventually eject because they find some black guys. Good for them--it's
better than them taking our white women.

At about this point I decided to be a little bit of an AMOG prick, but nothing
too serious. I go in to a set where a guy is getting a HB8's number, and I
just sit down and listen in. Like I seriously just pull up a chair right next
to the guy and poke my head in between them. I praise the guy for being a
player, and he's kind of smiling and says "hey you're ruining it for me." Oh
well, it will probably be a flake for him anyway.

At another point, there was this tall dude, like 6'8" or something. He towered
over me and I'm a solid six feet. He's talking to a hottie, and I walk up and
just start telling him how tall he is, putting my hand on his shoulder, etc.
He says something stupid, I don't remember what, and I get my dose of
inspiration from ijjjji, wherever he is in the world, and say: "You guys would
be good for each other." Naturally, the HB starts kinoing me instantly.
Thanks for that one, ijjjji. Unfortunately I ejected eventually--alcohol makes
me want to eject all the time, probably to protect myself or something. Gotta
stay in set and experiment.

My buddy ends up with these two ugly but at least dolled up fat girls. I think
I tried to enter the set and expect one of them to be all over me based on how
every other drunk girl is acting, but it doesn't take. I could use a good line
for that situation. Probably "Hi girls, I'm shy" with a puppy dog face would

The bar closes, and my buddy's with two new girls, one of whom is extremely
drunk. We drive to her place - 15 fucking minutes away. I don't know why we
didnt' go to our fucking place. At this point, I figure, anything could
happen. I could be getting laid by a fatty by the end of the night.

This girl's so drunk, I'm groping her from the back seat just for fun. She
eats one of my suckers--I'd bought a bunch of suckers earlier in the night and
handed some out to the bouncers--and that makes me mad. But I stole her shoes.

We get to her apartment--15 fucking minutes away--and she lays on my buddy and
they're both on the couch. I'm sitting on another couch when her drunk sister
shows up WITH OTHER FUCKING GUYS. This makes me mad, and everyone plays a card
game, with me on the couch just sitting there. I eventually fall asleep and
wake up to my buddy tapping me at 8:00 in the morning. Good because I gotta
work at eleven. There's a random guy on the couch next to me. What a way to
wake up, huh?

I don't know if my buddy got laid, but my spider sense tells me no. Won't be
seeing *those* girls again! We didn't talk about it on the drive back home.

Okay, points to remember:

-Arm myself with routines and make a point of actually using them for
conversations. Especially the question game.
-Do more AMOGing of guys, steal their girls, and watch what successful guys in
the bar are doing.
-Maybe I should start cavemanning random girls.
-Never go to a girl's place when it's FIFTEN FUCKING minutes away and she's not
worth the fifteen minutes.
-Use the "you and I would never get along" and stick it in my bag of tricks.
-Dress cooler. I was very average dressed, not cooly dressed at all. I really
gotta get some clear shades.

Later gators

There is nothing impossible to him who will try. - Alexander the Great

Unless otherwise noted, this article is Copyright©2005 by "Canes" with implicit permission provided to for reproduction. Any other use is prohibited without the explicit permission of the original author.


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