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Field Report+: I‘m not a slut.

mASF post by Narcissisto

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Field Report+: I‘m not a slut.
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mASF post by "Narcissisto"
posted on: mASF forum: Field Reports Discussion, August 8, 2005

FR+: I'm not a slut.

August 13, 2005


Rode the metro to Adam's Morgan again with my roommate, The VIP. Sometimes I
wonder why he calls himself that. He definitely doesn't get that kind of

We got to the metro stop and he wanted to check out a new spot. I'm on a
budget, so I wanted to stick with Dan's Cafe. Plus, I love that place. We

Went to Dan's and got some 7 & 7 for $10. I didn't want gin that night. That
shit's fucking up my internal organs since it's Seagram's.

Chilled out a bit. Then this guy spilled a shot over my pants when I saw it
coming. He said, "Dude, what's the problem? Do you want me to pay for your
dry cleaning?" I sat there for a brief second and thought about how I would
have let my emotions get the best of me years ago and I probably would have
taken a swing at his face for being a jerk. I just growled to myself and wiped
it up with a napkin. He came back again and said, "Dude, quit worrying about
that shit. It'll come out with a little Tide." I thought to myself again, and
just growled to myself. I didn't react. Not three minutes later, he comes
over to the right of me and said he was feeling like a jackass after a few
minutes. He told me he had questioned himself about him being a dick when the
moment was not right at all. He offered me some shots.

I took them gladly, and then I told him that I have learned to control my
emotions. I told him that a few years ago, I probably would have let go and
engaged in a fight with him. He told me he was sorry and said that a few years
ago, he would have gotten in a fight for a stupid reason as well.

We started talking about our battle scars and shared stories about our broken
noses and how they aren't perfect noses anymore. We both agreed that they
added character to ourselves. He introduced me to his girly friend who was
from South Dakota. We all shared their shots of Southern Comfort and Lime and
got blitzed. The girl started touching me a lot and telling me that I was an
interesting person. I started flirting with her and he said, "Can you quit
flirting with my little sister?" He was full of shit because she wasn't his
sister. It didn't matter. Soon, they met with other friends of theirs and I
talked with the 8 that showed up.

I told her how I would never talk to her if she wore flip flops and that I was
proud of her for wearing nice heels. They were glossy red and I told her they
looked like devil horns. They all moved to a table and I chilled.

Later, I moved over and sat at their table from the bar.

I chatted them up and then there was this 4-set of girls sitting behind us at a
booth. I thought for a moment, and then I decided to open since I hadn't
really opened all night.

I went in with the condom case opener/routine (here's a variation of it):

"Hey guys. I need your opinion on something."

Not all the girls were paying attention, so I told them that I would ask them
as soon as everyone paid attention and was ready. I even directed certain
one's to pay attention. Soon, all of them were paying attention and told each
other to pay attention.

"OK, my roommate and I were talking earlier and we thought about how guys can
let their condoms get all ruffled up in their pockets while out on the town or
wherever. We cared about keeping the condoms in tact while they were in our
pockets and didn't like the fact that sometimes the condom wrappers get tears
or creases in them while they are in our pockets. We wondered if there were
such things as condom cases to protect the condoms while they were in our
pockets because we cared about the girls that we met and we didn't want to take
anyone for granted. So we Google-searched condom cases and we found that they
do indeed exist. We found this site that sold condom cases that were sterling
silver and had felt cheetah print in the middle of the case. It was so pimp,
but then we thought that girls might get creeped out because it was so pimp and
it might be weird to pull out this pimp case and pull out condoms from it right
before sex with the girl. I don't know, what do you guys think? How would you

The girls went into their opinions and obviously I didn't care what they said.
I finished gathering opinions and returned my attention to the group I had
already entered.

The girls tapped me on the shoulder and asked me my name. I told them it
started with a "J" and asked them to guess what it was. They guessed a few
times and I just told them. Soon, one of the girl's got up and I moved to her
spot. I sat with them and selected my target that was across from me. She was
the hottest. I'd give her a 7.8. Very cute brunette.

I talked with all of them as they kept asking questions about myself. Soon the
cute brunette, HB Brunette, asked me my age. I remembered ox's shit about age
questions and I said, "I'll tell you later." I winked at her and smiled. I now
remember that ox says, "If you're a good girl, I'll tell you later." I'll try
that at a later time.

Her friend's started to ask me my age and I made them guess. After a while,
they guessed right and I smiled. They were all two to three years younger than
I was. One girl to my right told the brunette my age after she figured it out.

I started to wink and smile at the brunette across from me. She apparently
liked it. I also tried to kick her legs from under the table a few times. She
said at one point, "WHAT?" I told her to shut up and kicked her leg again.

I asked all the girls to split some Southern Comfort and Lime with me for $17.
10 shots. They all backed out and I went and got myself 2 Budweiser's.

Soon after, one girl got up from the other side. I moved in and sat on the
other side of my target.

I also put my hand on her thigh. A few minutes after, I started to smell her
hair and her neck. She liked it, and then I moved in for the kiss. She was
all for it.

Later, she asked me in front of her friends where I lived. I told her.

Later, I noticed the 8 at the table with the other guy's. She kept smiling at
me. She maybe noticed the social proof I had created by leaving their set and
sitting with a set of 4 women that all seemed to accept my presence.

After that, it was soon closing time.

We all went outside, and my target kissed and hugged goodbye her girlfriends.
I grabbed my target's hand and led her down the strip of Adam's Morgan.

We made out on the way and stopped on a fence to make out some more. She soon
said, "I hope you don't think you're going to come home with me and have sex."

Before she could finish completely, I said, "I'm not a slut."

She said with a shocked look on her face while almost losing her composure,
"Well, usually most guys think that because they're leaving with me, it means
we are going to have sex." I just shrugged and made out with her more.

People walked by and said stupid things like, "Get a room!" or "Take that shit
somewhere else!" We just rolled our eyes and made out. At one point, she said,
"I don't even know why I'm with you right now. I don't even like smokers." I
started to walk away from her and put a weird look on my face like it didn't
matter. I started to fake walk away and she said, "Come back here! Come here!"
I came back and she pulled me back in to make out with her.

We went and sat on a curb. I told her about how she had pretty feet and
explained to her how it was mandatory for women that I met to have pretty feet
and to not have evolution toes. I explained it for her and she called me Mr.
Foot Fetish Man. I took her heel off and massaged her foot. She stopped me
giggling a few times telling me that it was ticklish. I eventually put her
heel back on after massaging her and reassuring her that she did not have ugly
feet like her friends had told her she did.

I number-closed. Funny thing was was that shortly before that, she asked me my
name again. I remembered her name and busted on her about how girls will get
pissy about guys' not remembering a girl's name after making out with her. I
didn't care since I have done it so many times before.

All out of nowhere, this drinking buddy of mine from Crystal City Sports Pub
shouts out something while coming to a stop light. He saw us and I asked him
if he could give us a ride. He told us to come up and we had to sit in the
front. She sat on my lap and I caressed her thighs. She had beautiful and
soft legs. We kissed a few times while she was on my lap and then we let her
out. I told her we would hang out at the International Spy Museum or the
National Zoo the next day. I told her I'd call her.

Ten minutes later, she called and asked if I just called her. I told her no
and that I'd call tomorrow.

Today, I slept until 4:30 PM. I was hungover and I loved being able to sleep
until an hour before work. I called her at work and left a message to give me
a call. She never did. I don't really have any expectations as I know how
flaky women can be. We will see what happens, if anything happens at all. The
ball is in her court.

Unless otherwise noted, this article is Copyright©2005 by "Narcissisto" with implicit permission provided to for reproduction. Any other use is prohibited without the explicit permission of the original author.


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