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Field Report: Another Paris Hilton Sarge (with pic!)

mASF post by Magnus

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Field Report: Another Paris Hilton Sarge (with pic!)
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mASF post by "Magnus"
posted on: mASF forum: Field Reports Discussion, May 5, 2005

What up homies!

On Tuesday afternoon I was rolling with Prince Aquasky and Ace... we were
headed to the National Portrait Gallery, planning to sarge the fuck out of
it! Really sarge it the fuck up, yeah! But it was closed, as we didn't get
there until after 6pm.

But what's this!!! As we're walking round the side door, there were a bunch
of suits filing in. Ace was dressed like Tyler Durden (the real one, from
the movie). Aquasky was dressed like a european dandy in a trendy woollen
top. I was peacocked mad like a 12 year-old X-Men fan, seriously, I get
opened all the time in that X-Men t-shirt and get EC and IOIs from HBs

So we decide to roll in with all the suits as if we belonged there, so as to
get in to the gallery After Hours, mad shit! But this blonde HB cockblocks
us from gallery penetration, asking us if we have an invite. Ace runs a
hypnosis pattern, and I try saying "isn't this Steve's party?". Turns out
there was no-one called Steve, so we left. Her BT was really high though.

So we headed up to Leicester Square. When we got there it was all of a
commotion! There was a crowd of people surrounding a vast red carpet
leading to one of the cinemas, which had a 20 foot tall poster that said
'House of Wax'. So I asked a nearby four-set what was going on. Apparently
it was the UK premiere!

We quickly deduced that there was a high PPP (Probability of Paris Presence)
and decided to wait around. There was a huge crowd, so I stood on a bin
(trash can to all you yanks reading this) so I could see, but got some MAD,
like, really ANGRY EC from this HBpoliceofficer and she opened me with "you
have to get down from there".

I like to have a situational opener for every situation, and at movie
premieres I like to use "are you any good at celebrities? who was that?"
Turns out it was the fucking CHEEKY GIRLS who I Am The Future had sarged
previously. I tried to re-open them with "who do you think lies more?" but
they had heard it before, or they possibly didn't hear me.

As I wandered around the crowd I spotted an HB9 who was dressed up all posh
like. I totally pAImAI'd her by standing right in front of her, and used my
celebrities opener. She wasn't impressed by the Cheeky Girls. After
chatting to her, she's only GOT TICKETS TO THE PREMIERE! So I realised this
was opportunity to get in there with Paris herself. HB9 is pissed off
because her date is late, and she has 2 spare tickets anyway.

I decided to blow her out because her date arrived, and ejected to find
Aquasky and Ace had opened this tall, blonde, Swedish... guy. He was quite
fun and we later venue changed him to see my friend's band. I backwards
rationalised that this was the reason I didn't go for the premiere tickets
with HB9.

Suddenly the crowd goes wild, and Paris has stepped out of a bright red taxi
cab, onto the red carpet.

We are right at the back of the crowd, the only thing for it is to use vocal
projection. Ace uses Shark accent for added impact. "Paris, I love you!
Why do you not return my calls?" I add "I loved your last movie!"

My Canon IXUS i, can take photos up to 2272x1704 pixels, in 16.7 million
colours, although most of the time I just use it in 1600x1200 mode, or
sometimes taking video (up to 3 minutes) at 320x240 with 12 bit audio.
However, I'd left it at home, so I had to use my phone cam, but here's the


Unless otherwise noted, this article is Copyright©2005 by "Magnus" with implicit permission provided to for reproduction. Any other use is prohibited without the explicit permission of the original author.


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