The Top Pickup Artist Forum On The Internet: Fast Seduction 101

“Q&A: Where To Take Women On 'Dates'” - October 9, 2003

***QUESTION***

Dave,

Okay, here goes. First, what's been working for me. The CF attitude is definitely paying off. Bottom line, IT WORKS. Another tip I've found to work for me is to generally play up to a woman's insecurities. DON'T make fun of them, be respectful, but just let them be aware of the fact, tactfully, that you KNOW that they arn't perfect, and given a different set of circumstances, if you so chose, you could be with someone else. The trick I have found that works for me is to ALWAYS KEEP THEM GUESSING. Does he like me, or doesn't he? Where do I stand? How can I win him over? Don't give them your undieing devotion to them right off the bat or they'll KNOW that you're a wussy!!!

Okay, so here's my question. Could you tell me how to ask a girl out without "losing your power...?" It seems to me like once you have "put yourself out there", and asked her the question "Will you go out with me?" you have made yourself seem somewhat weak and wussy-like. Is there a way to do it and still make it seem like you are in control?

Also, where do you think is a good place to ask a girl out on a first date? I don't generally like the movies since you don't get to talk much.

Thanks,

N, Washington, DC

>>>MY COMMENTS:

It's always interesting to me to get a view of how another person sees the world...

Your questions have given me some insight into the way you THINK, and I believe that I'm going to be able to give you some great ideas.

Before I address your questions, I want to make a few comments about the beginning of your email.

You said that you've found that "playing up a woman's insecurities" in a tactful, Cocky & Funny way is really working for you.

Now, this might sound a little bit "cruel and unusual" to others reading your comments... and I'd like to explain the psychology behind it, and tell you why I think it works so well for you.

There are a few keys that one needs to remember when interacting with an attractive woman you've just met...

1) Most guys pursue her, give her compliments, try to get her approval by giving her things and taking her out.

2) Most men don't say things that might "rock the boat". In other words, most men won't make a comment early on that might offend or upset her.

3) Most men give away all of their power to attractive women INSTANTLY. I'm talking as soon as they meet.

4) Women interpret these behaviors as a man not feeling comfortable enough and secure enough IN himself to BE himself. In other words, these "commonly accepted courting behaviors" actually come across as subtly MANIPULATIVE to women. At an unconscious level, a woman can INSTANTLY sense a man who is communicating the message "I don't think you'll like me for who I am, so I'm going to do a bunch of other things for you in the hopes that you'll give me approval". I know, the truth sometimes sucks.

So how does this relate to playing up a woman's insecurities in a tactful, Cocky & Funny way?

Making fun of a woman's insecurities in a fun, teasing way says something much bigger... it says that you're not looking for approval, and that you're not afraid of her walking away. It's one of those things that says a lot more than just what you're saying with words.

Remember the newsletter I wrote titled "What Annoys Women, What Attracts Them"?

Well, you might recall that I said that one of the things that annoys women the MOST is when a guy is weak and tenative... and he seeks approval by trying to do whatever he thinks a woman would want him to do. In other words, by trying NOT to annoy a woman you'll often annoy her worst of all.

I know, reality is strange like that.

Now, on the OTHER HAND, if you say something like "Hey, you're kind of short for a cute girl"... it can have the OPPOSITE effect.

REMEMBER, one of the KEYS to this type of comment is the HUMOR. Half of the Cocky & Funny equation is FUNNY.

You're not being MEAN, you're being PLAYFUL.

But when you comment on something that an attractive woman might be insecure about in a VERY FUNNY WAY, it says ALL the right things, all at once.

It says that you're not afraid of her, it says that you're funny, it says that you're sassy, it says that you're going to be a challenge... it says that you're not seeking her approval, and it says that you're not WUSSY.

Now, keep in mind, this is a FUN thing to do.

If she LAUGHS when you say it, you're on the right track. If she gets "fake mad", you're on the right track. If she starts crying and telling you that you're the kind of guy that should be beaten up, then you need some work... lol.

I tease women all the time with this kind of thing, and they love it.

ASKING WOMEN "OUT"

Earlier I mentioned that your questions have given me some insight into the way you THINK.

Let's talk about that.

>>From the way you've phrased your question ("Could you tell me how to ask a woman out...") tells me a few things...

1) It tells me that you believe that you're the one who has to do the asking

2) It tells me that you believe that you need to ask a woman "out on a date" when you DO "ask her"

3) It tells me that you believe that you're taking a big risk when you do (your words were "putting yourself out there")

4) It tells me that you ALREADY think that she has POWER OVER YOU... before you've even met her and "asked her out"

Whoa. Heavy, man.

What if I said that the answer was to never ask another woman out again?

What if I said that for the next year you need to only tell women what you're going to do, and let them know that if they'd like to join you they may, but if they choose not to, it's their loss?

What if I said that you're only risking something when you care what she thinks of you... and that once you get over caring what a woman thinks of you, your success will skyrocket?

I realize that these might be "far-out" ideas, but if you round up 100 guys who are VERY successful with women, you'll find that MOST of them operate with these beliefs.

I can't do the "psychological brain surgery" that you seem to need in one email... but let me give you a new way to think about this...

Attractive women aren't interested in being with men who are weak. They're not intersted in men who have low self esteem. They're not interested in men who give away their power. They're not intersted in men who don't GET what they want in life.

In other words, attractive women aren't attracted to WUSSIES.

The thinking that you're showing me here is WUSSY thinking. It's weak.

It's saying "She has the power. I want her to be with me, so I need to "ask her out" in order to get her to spend time with me... if she rejects me, I will lose something".

You're basically suggesting that you lack something, and she has it... and that you NEED what she has so badly that you'll do anything for it.

You've handed over your power before the game has even started.

And guess what kind of effect this is going to have on a woman you're trying to "ask out"?

Right, she's going to SMELL YOUR INNER WUSSY, whether it's in person or over the phone.

She's going to hear it in your voice.

Women are PROS at sensing the Innner Wussy.

And women RESENT men that they can control.

So what's the answer?

You need to realize that YOU are the one who is the desirable prize. You are giving HER a great opportunity by making yourself available to her. You have nothing to lose if she doesn't spend time with you... in fact, she SAVED you time by eliminating herself from your consideration.

I'm not talking about becoming an arrogant, outwardly over-inflated JERK here.

I'm talking about how you THINK.

So next time you're on the phone with a woman that you've met recently, try this...

1) Call her and say "Hey, WHAT-UP?". Don't talk about work, family, or any other BORING topic.

2) Tease her and get back the fun mood that you hopefully created when you first met her.

3) Tell her that you're busy, but you might have some time on Saturday... and that if she's lucky you might let her hang out with you.

4) Hang up. That's right, tell her you have to go, and then GO.

Why?

Well, you need to learn how to not NEED her to like you. And you need to learn how to give a woman the gift of missing you. You need to learn how to LEAN BACK, and not care what happens.

These things will help you TREMENDOUSLY.

Finally, call her back on Saturday afternoon and say "Hey, I'm going to Starbucks, I think you should buy me a cup of tea and entertain me".

BIG DIFFERENCE between that approach and the way you've probably been doing things.

And I'm hoping that I've answered your "Where do I take a woman on the first date?" question as well...

Don't take her ANYWHERE. Let her take you out for a cup of tea. You can still pay, just to prove that you're a "gentleman" (by the way, if you say "I'm not paying for your tea because I like you, I'm paying for it because I am a gentleman" it's a nice touch).

And if you're HELL BENT on going "out" somewhere with a woman (why men cling to the idea of going "out" instead of staying "in" I have no idea), then go to a mall and make fun of fashions, or go play a game of pool. DO SOMETHING THAT ISN'T BORING... whatever you do. And do something that doesn't say "I'm trying to impress you".

But let's face it, what you REALLY need is a TOTAL THINKING OVERHAUL.

It's not simple or easy to get rid of years of programming and beliefs. It's not going to happen in a few minutes.

I seriously recommend that you get yourself a copy of my Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD program.

One of the things that makes me very different from the other people that write about and teach in this area is my focus on the "INNER GAME^»"... in other words, the PSYCHOLOGY of success with women and dating.

If you want to be successful in the REAL WORLD with women, you FIRST have to learn how to deal with your INNER WORLD of emotions, thoughts, and beliefs.

When I first started made the decision to learn how to become more successful with women and dating, I had a LOT of insecurities and negative beliefs.

I had negative self-image issues, problems with shyness and nervousness around women... I had it all.

And I didn't know where to start. I had no idea what to do. All I knew was that I needed to get this area of my life together, and that I wasn't willing to sit around for the REST of my life with that sinking, negative feeling about myself that came from not knowing how to attract women.

Well, as it turned out, I made a lot of mistakes on my own road to success. I spent a lot of time trying things that didn't work... and getting a lot more "bad programming" (to add to my already-bad programming).

In the end, one of the real KEYS that helped me turn things around... and probably the main factor in my ability to maintain ongoing success attracting and keeping great women around me was the work I did on the INSIDE.

Now, I'm not talking about laying on a couch and talking about your problems.

I'll leave that to the professional shrinks.

I'm talking about learning how men who are successful with women THINK... and how they SEE THE WORLD.

I'm talking about learning the way ATTRACTIVE WOMEN view men and the world... and how they experience life.

I'm talking about getting a perspective that 99% of most men never have... and facing my fears... and overcoming them.

In my Advanced Dating Techniques Program I spend several HOURS working on "The Inner Game^»" of success with women.

I cover everything from how to improve your self-image to how to overcome fear... all the way to how and why women think and act the way they do in "mating" situations.

This perspective will INSTANTLY change the way you behave around women... and it will definitely lead to more success in the areas that you need help in.

I guarantee it.

Go check it out. There are some great free audio and video samples here, plus feedback from others who have the program...

[products info link]

And if you haven't downloaded your copy of my online eBook "Double Your Dating", then you really need to do that now. It is the foundation of everything I teach in these newsletters, and it contains dozens and dozens of great tips and techniques. Go download it right here:

[ebook download link]

I'll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.