“STOP Getting Nervous Around Women” - November 1, 2003

I want to take a chance to talk about a problem that is far too familiar to most of us guys...

We start talking to a woman that is REALLY attractive to us, then INSTANTLY start to feel nervous and unsure of what to do or say next.

And then something even WORSE happens...

Because we're nervous and unsure of what to say, we start doing and saying things that make us look NEEDY and WEAK.

All of a sudden, the beautiful creature in front of us has become very cold very fast.

She has sensed the nervousness, and the insecurity has made her shut down faster than you can say "Ice Cold".

Ever happened to you?

Yea, me neither.

Or how about when you're meeting a woman for a first date... and maybe you've even talked to her a few times on the phone...

Have you ever just gotten nervous for no apparent reason, and frozen up?

I constantly have guys email me with questions like:

"What should I talk about with her on our first date?"

and...

"How do I keep from getting nervous and saying something dumb?"

These are great questions.

But I think that there's MORE to this problem.

The reality is that just "staying calm" isn't going to solve this all the way.

I personally think that it's important to communicate that you're OVERLY comfortable... ESPECIALLY if you're with a woman who's unusually attractive.

The first thing you need to remember is to stop trying to "impress" women... and stop looking for their approval.

Most men approach interactions with attractive women with the unconscious belief that they need to say, do, and communicate impressive things.

And if they can't think of something "really cool" to say or do, they get nervous.

Of course, this just comes across as even more insecurity.

So what can a guy do to create a feeling that he's not only totally comfortable... but that he's almost TOO comfortable?

See, if you act uncomfortable, she'll feel it. The idea is to come across like you are cool and calm... which will create an environment that is more likely to result in her being ATTRACTED to you...

I have a few simple things that I do when I first start talking to a woman that set up the whole future of the relationship. And I not only use these things in the beginning, but also into the first dates and beyond.

Remember, the idea is to do things that you would only normally do if YOU felt comfortable with HER.

Here are a few of my favorites:

1) Mimic something that she's doing in a funny way. For instance, if she has really rigid posture, pull your shoulders back, sit up extra straight, and say "I really think you should work on your posture."

This usually gets a confused laugh, because I'm sending a mixed message, and I'm playing. People only do things like this if they're feeling comfortable, so this sends the message that I'm in a fun, comfortable mood.

2) Pick up something small and swat her with it! This is one of my very favorites. Now, I don't mean hit her in a way that will hurt or leave a mark... I mean pick up a napkin and swat her in the arm with it when she makes a smart-alec comment.

What's this all about? For some reason, when you do this VERY childish thing, it just lightens up the situation, and makes her get into a playful mood. I also like to use this one after I've made fun of her and she's pretending that the comment bothered her. Try napkins, small menus, or other things that won't hurt, but will be funny.

3) Let things distract you. If you're having a conversation, turn away once in awhile and let things distract you. Get into conversations with other people. Walk away for a few minutes and let her fend for herself for awhile.

If you pay too much attention and are watching her every move, you run the big risk of coming across as overly attentive or smothering. By letting your attention wander off once in awhile, it creates a mood of "I'm comfortable enough with you to know that if I go do my own thing for a bit, you'll still be here when I get back."

Now, these are just three random examples of things that I personally do.

Think about them for a minute.

What do they all have in common?

How are they different from what you do with women right now?

What are some other examples can you come up with that would instantly communicate that you're totally comfortable with a woman?

One of the things I like about "playing with" or "teasing" or "messing with" women is that in addition to the "playing" message it sends, it also clearly says "You don't intimidate me at all".

This is SO CRITICAL when you're interacting with an attractive woman.

Remember, ATTRACTION isn't triggered by what mom taught you about being "socially nice".

Attraction happens for very different reasons.

As you know, I think that using specific kinds of humor and body language can also make a powerful impression, and show that you are the one that is in control of the situation.

If you want to get all of my best thinking on this topic, I recommend that you check out my Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD program.

Inside that program I share literally HUNDREDS and HUNDREDS of great concepts and step-by-step techniques for overcoming fear, improving your self-image, meeting women, getting dates, and taking things to a "physical" level.

The "little things" you do and say around women can make all the difference... and you'll learn so many great techniques, it will make your head spin.

Details and free audio/video samples are here:

[products info link]

And if you'd like to get a great introduction to my basic concepts, then you need to go and download my online eBook, and read it right now. You can get it and be reading it withing just a few minutes. It's here:

[ebook download link]

I'll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.