mASF post by "BadPirate"
posted on: mASF forum: General Discussion newsgroup, July 7, 2005Prevention is better than cure.
I deleted my sympathetic post when I read some of the examples of what you've
been saying in earlier threads. Too much cocky, not enough funny my man.
Girls can cop an attitude if they think they can get away with it, but they
will ALSO cop an attitude if YOU cop an attitude.
At some level there has to be a definition of acceptable behaviour for the
interaction .. for both of you.
>Me: That's some interesting hair you have, is it real?
>Her: Yes, yes it is.
[ She accepted your neg and she's being friendly. Nice. ]
>Me: The roots looked darker, cool, so what do you do.
[ You qualified your neg mildly. ]
>Her: I'm a dancer and I model.
[ She's qualifying herself to you bigtime. Nice. ]
>Me: Oh, like a hand model or something?...
[ You're rejecting her too openly now. ]
>Her: Whats with the attitude.
[ She's calling you on your bullshit. ]
>Me: Usualy women who do dance or ballet, have nice hands >and gracefull long
legs, why do you say attitude?
[ This in incongruent with your other comments, it's qualifying and would have
made your negs be seen as a sign of insecurity or fear of rejection for sure,
not that they already hadn't been. Also asking 'why' steps into her frame. What
can her response be to this in a way that salvages the interaction without
making her act like a bitch? ]
>Me: Answer the question *woman*(obviouse exagerated >kidding).
[ LOL ... dude, you're basically browbeating and abusing her now. It's like
someone you just met saying "no offence but you're a fucking dickhead", in an
obviously exaggerated kidding way. ]
>Her: woman? thats not my name fuck off
[ She wants you to fuck off because she doesn't want to be abused. ]
>Me: The woman part is a LONG standing joke between me and >my girlfriends, I
call every girl "woman", you need to >lighten up. Untill then don't waste my
time.
[ You qualified yourself again. ]
>Her: Well I'm sorry that you call all your friends woman >thats not my problem
dont waste my time.
[ She reframed your problem with her as your problem. A great technique to deal
with abuse. ]
The solution to your problem is at some stage you have to CONNECT. She has to
know that you are a cool guy, sure, but she has to know you aren't going to
take some off-handed remark she says the wrong way and drag her out the back
and smack her down too.
The replies to the thread I took this stuff from were good. If you don't REWARD
her for good behaviour, then PUNISHING her if she acts bad is meaningless as it
is not variant from your regular behaviour anyway. Also she will be receiving
no VALUE from being with you.
You need to swing the pendulum back in the other direction a bit. Not
completely mind your calibration is definitely off.
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