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If you enjoy David's writing and find it useful in your life, consider picking up a copy of his book, David Shade's Manual.

Sometimes I get questions from mature men who are stuck at the beginner level. This person gave me permission to repeat his questions.

Hi David. I'm a real sentimental fool nice-guy AFC when it comes to being sexual with a woman. I have read a lot of the ASF archives. Even gotten depressed at points, because the knowledge challenged my old notions so aggressively.

Here's where you went wrong. You let the knowledge depress you instead of enlightening you. Personally, I found the knowledge to be very enlightening, almost freeing. It was great. Like Major Mark says "Reality will always be your best friend." The key is being able to see things for what they truly are. Tune your NLP filters such that you perceive "reality" as it truly is. Get rid of any "self limiting beliefs." If you have a belief that is limiting you, challenge it and get rid of it.

Despite my mature age and having a few girlfriends, I am sexually inexperienced. Because of the scarcity in my life, I get really attached when a women gives me some attention.

The scarcity/poverty mentality can be paralyzing. It is only a self limiting belief, not reality. Get rid of it. The attachment is clinging onto hope, a result of the scarcity mentality.

All my life I have sub-consciously assumed that sex and love are intertwined. However, they're not, although they can be.

Very true. They're not, though they can be (in a context.) Social programming has everybody believing that love comes before sex. But when you look at reality, you find that most women have sex and then maybe, in some cases, fall in love.

I realized I am really afraid of women.

Fear is your self limiting beliefs talking to you. The self limiting beliefs are about women. And thus the fear of women. Replace your self limiting beliefs with enabling beliefs, and you will be inspired by women.

I can't relax enough around women to really enjoy them.

Relaxation is the absence of tension caused by internal conflicts between beliefs and desires. Work on your beliefs such that they become congruent with your desires. Then they effortlessly propel you to your goals.

Were you ever in my position? Were you ever a sentimental fool who often got his heart crushed because of his nice-guy ways?

Yep. I didn't think it was fair. Why should women be so cruel while I was so nice? Then I realized that a woman needs a man she can have respect for. She needs a real man. Nice without strength is just wimpy. It's OK to be nice, but it has to be in the context of respect. You must command respect. She will only respect you if you have respect for yourself.

Were you ever nervous or sexually clumsy in the bedroom?

Nervous? Sometimes. But clumsy? Maybe a little bit the first time, but my God, how fucking hard is it to fuck? I mean really! Think about it - it's totally natural. When you can see it for that, it's easy. Allow yourself to BE a sexual creature. As for giving women unforgettably incredible pleasure and expanding her envelop of sexuality, then yes, technique and skill are required.

I guess what I'm asking is, if you were AFC, just how AFC were you?

In the area of seduction I was an AFC because I was a shy nice guy. It used to take me 3 dates to close the deal. But once I did, I was in my groove, and it would be the start of a long term relationship. I have always been very comfortable in the bedroom. That part has always went well. I have always felt very natural about it.

Also, if there was a turn-around point, when was that point? I mean, how long after studying this stuff did you experience your first post AFC success?

It was gradual for me - a string of little successes that over time built up my self confidence. But looking back, it didn't have to take so long. Like Major Mark says "You can take the long route of incremental changes, or you can have an epiphany."

Was there ever a defining moment when you could say to yourself, "Ah-hah!! that's it! My former(AFC) self no longer exists! He's gone, that hell is over."?

yep - when I saw things for what they truly are and I decided to BE.

Recently I met a woman and she invited me to her place. When I got there, she was dressed very sexy. She obviously wanted to get laid.

"Healthy mammalian behavior" as Mark calls it.

My sexual inexperience showed. I was really nervous. She pulled all of the moves. She was quite experienced, so I feel some humiliation at not being able to properly "handle" her.

How "experienced" do you know her to be? How "experienced" does a woman have to be? Chances are she was just being sexy. She was just being a woman. She was just being comfortable with her own sexuality. She was just BEing. You are the one who generalized that as "experienced." There is a lesson in that for you. You don't need to be experienced to be sexy. What you need to BE is The Man. Be the man she needs you to be so she can be all the woman she wants to be.

We fooled around the whole night... no intercourse though. She never called back... and it really stung.

Sorry to hear that man. She may have sensed your nervousness. Women have their ways of knowing before they lay the guy if he's going to be a good lay or not. If not, they bail. They will ask you questions, they will challenge you, they will put opportunities before you; and in each case, they will watch how you respond. Just BE The Man she needs you to be, and your responses to her testing will bring her closer to you.

So, if she's giving me clear signals do I offer her a message?

Sure.

If she says yes, what kinds of things can you say to a women to really make her feel good and sexy?

Tell her she is sexy. But don't say it from a position of scarcity. Instead, say it from a position of a real man who appreciates the beauty in a sexual woman. Big difference.

If i'm massaging her, could I use SS language like Orion does in Magical Connections.

If she is giving you such obvious clear signals, that won't be necessary. Orion's language is for seducing women, but your woman was seducing you. Sometimes you have to shut up and give her what she wants - a good thorough fucking.

Before bringing a woman into the bedroom, what do women like to hear from a guy? Are compliments in order? For example, if I'm massaging her, is it cool to say... "you smell wonderful" or "your skin is so soft."

Yes, compliments are in order IF she is giving you such clear indications. Reward her good behavior. Tell her how she makes you feel. Tell her what you like about her. Remember: Women like to be feel sexy. Women like to feel beautiful. Women like it when you like them. When she has respect for you, compliments will make her feel those things. Of course, do not overdo the compliments, as that will dilute their effectiveness. And always remember, women like to fuck. They like passion. However, they are sexually submissive creatures and they certainly don't want to seem like a cheap slut, so they won't make it obvious. So hey put out signals and rely on The Man in you to respond to those signals and to do something about it. So what to do? Well, That depends on the signals and the situation, of which there are an infinite number. Do this, imagine for a moment that you honestly and truly believe that you deserve to have hot sex with her. Believe it with all your heart and soul. What would he do? That's where the answer lies. If you can BE The Man, then the DO part will naturally follow.

Ok, I don't know what to say... I guess, more than anything, I'd love to know what to say to a women, before, during, and after sex.

Well, I think you do know what to say. What you need is permission to say them. And only you can do that. That can only happen when you believe you deserve that which you want.

After sex, do you compliment her?

Probably not, it would sound like she was being told she is a great fuck. That reduces her to a thing. Instead, you want to elevate her to a new height. Tell her how it has made you feel close to her. Say to her "Oh Baby, I feel so close to you. I cannot hold you close enough." Then say "I hope you're not going to just roll over and go to sleep. Talk to me!" That always cracks 'em up. In the words of Don Juan Demarco "Every true lover knows that the moment of greatest satisfaction comes when ecstasy is long over, and he beholds before him the flower which has blossomed beneath his touch."

A friend of mine bought your manual and although he said it was great, he thought it was too advanced for me and it involved hypnosis. I don't know, I haven't read it.

I wrote the manual to be the only book you will need to give women incredible pleasure. Yes it is true that hypnosis is required for the really Really advanced far out stuff (Chapter 1 will blow her mind) but many of the advanced sexual techniques in the book do not require hypnosis, and some of them are very easy to do.

David Shade
http://www.davidshade.com/
Copyright©2002 David Shade. All Rights Reserved.

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