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The Ten Billion Dollar Solution
Fri, 22 Jan 1999 15:41:30 -0500
I went out with Caroline's sister this past Wednesday evening. Her name is
Orly, by the way. I had had a particularly stressful day and had given
thought to cancelling on her but on the phone we were very funny with each
other so I decided to go. She suggested we go to see a blues band at this
club and I agreed (I was thinking, how do I get her back to my place, but
decided I was stressed to start with so why not just take it easy that
night). I go pick her up and we go out to this club. Our conversation is
very fluid, with a lot of humour, teasing, but I am aware that underlying
this is a power struggle that I must win if anything is to develop. It has
been my experience that if the woman gets the edge in terms of power, you
are finished. The man must have some edge, no matter how slight. Our
conversation is a lot of verbal sparring and she remarks that she hasn't had
anyone really keep up with her in a long time. To give you specifics, she
made a remark, for example, about how if she wasn't attracted to me that I
would never have gotten a second date. Well, I knew I couldn't let her get
away with that (as if she is the one deciding who is getting a second date)
and I countered her remark with something to the effect that we were
fortunate that we are together again (instead of somewhat implying that she
is the lucky one, which is a bit arrogant). I told her about five of my
best dirty jokes and she was hysterical over them, insisting that I had to
remind her of these after. Then I launched into the "voodoo dildo" which I
tell in a long, extended manner walking through a lot of vivid descriptions.
She asks me if I am trying to hypnotize her (to which I just ignore the
comment and keep telling the joke) but she busts up when I finally get to
the punchline. During our time in the club I massage her shoulders (always
making sure to work my hand up onto her skull, rubbing behind the ears, near
the jaw, etc.) and I work some very intimate language into my conversation
(eg. about how it feels when two hearts find each other, etc., deep romantic
stuff). In the car on the way to leave her off at her place I run the blow
job pattern on her and she is practically drooling from it, and she remarks
about how true it is about anticipation and compulsion. Finally, at the end
of the date, parked outside her place, I move to kiss her but she pulls back
and starts blathering something about "I can't do this, I'm not sure," etc.
but I reach behind her head and pull her head to me and start kissing her to
which she responds passionately. She then starts saying how relieved she is
that the ice is broken and she's so glad I just kissed her (she said she
couldn't take the tension any longer). She tells me she had a great time,
especially the kissing, and leaves after about 45 minutes in the car with me
(knowing her fate is sealed for next time).
One thing I would like to mention which I think is important and it may only
be in my own mind but I have a way of kissing women that I have found that
they really respond to. What I do is I kiss them as if they were the most
important person in the world to me; I do it softly, slowly but very
tenderly and gently. I am always told that I am a great kisser. I am not
sure I can describe exactly what I do but I can tell you it works.
Interesting ideas:
I had a conversation with a business associate of mine. He is a young, good
looking guy who has been living with his girlfriend for the past 4 years. I
know from what he has told me that this is not a perfect relationship (his
best friend, but there's almost no passion). For some reason, the idea of
having ten billion dollars came up. I asked him if he would be with this
girlfriend if he had ten billion dollars, and without hesitation he said no,
he would be living in Jamaica and would have ten girlfriends who would be
exchanged every few weeks. It occured to me that if you think of having
unlimited funds, what would you do differently in terms of relationships? I
think it puts your dealings with women into a completely different context.
One interesting idea I read about lately involved a man who met a woman and
while they were dancing (they had just met at a party) she tells him she
would never do anything intimate on a first date. So he asks her what their
second and third dates would be like and as she went through this sequence
(with some prompting needed, it seems) it appeared that she future paced
herself to be quite excited and, contrary to what she said, was ready to
take action immediately.
On to the mail:
Juan (Commenting on If we are to conclude that when woman are being bitches
they are really giving you the opportunity to put them in their place so
they can respect, admire and desire you, this should change dramatically how
you deal with those situations) It seems to me that if a man were *truly*
strong, he would walk away from
any women who is so immature that she has to push him just to test him. I
haven't yet been able to come to terms with that as far as seduction.
My Comment: I don't know about you, but more often than not (admittedly, not
always) but once you've had sex with a woman she treats you much
differently. If you screw it up after, that's usually your own fault.
Juan: Yeah, I can play that game and it'll get me laid, but then what have
I got?
My Comment: Like I said, I think if you can get laid you will be in control
and where you move it from there is up to you.
Juan: Anyone know how to "win" this game in such a way that the chick stops
playing such stupid games?
My Comment: Women, bless their little hearts, can be unpredictable. It that
is their nature, nothing is going to change them. If it was only a test and
after she settles down to a more normal behaviour pattern, then the games
will probably not stop but be less frequent. I suggest you stop trying to
get the world to do what you want and realize that you have to adapt to the
way it works. Not that I do it much better, you understand. I am still
trying to learn the subtle and underlying rules myself.
Generaly: I am a hopeless nice-guy.
My Comment: I think you, like me, have the same realization that you can be
a nice guy, without compromising your principals.
Generaly: I just wanted to clarify that I am using "Strength" within my
current personality. Here are some things that my experiments indicate about
my usage of Strength:
Strength:
1. Is not - being mean, nasty, disrespectful, or intrusive.
My Comment: Intrusive may be necessary at times.
Generaly: 2. Is not - being pushy, demanding, or controlling.
3. Is - taking responsibility for my actions.
4. Is - knowing what I want, and going for it.
5. Is - doing what I say I will do.
6. Is - standing up for myself.
7. Is not - threatening abandonment.
8. Most importantly - It is not getting angry, or intimidating!
Under all of this is "personal responsibility." (which is what Ross appears
to teach). What I mean by this is that I realize that ultimately I can only
control myself, I can not control another human being (unless I turn them
into a slave). People will change in response to me and what I offer, but
that is not the same as my controlling them. The main thing that we control
with other people is our time. We can choose to give, or not give, our time
to others. As Ross says (kind of), "If she turns out to be a sick, bitch
from hell, RUN!!!" This to me is the full usage of strength.
My Comment: To me this is just common sense, something a lot of men don't
have when it comes to attractive women. Maybe it takes strength to turn
down a situation with a desirable woman, but really it should just be your
normal reaction to something that is no good for you.
Generaly: Also, I have found that in my daily life with a normal healthy
woman, I am using this often. As an example: If a woman is being a real
abusive bitch and I have had enough, I don't get angry (I think anger shows
a lack of strength, because it shows a breakdown of personal control), but I
might say something like, "I think that you are acting in an abusive manner,
and I don't want to be the subject of that abuse. I am going in the other
room for ten minutes, and then I will come back and we can talk about this
some more. I am not leaving you, I am just using my right to my own time and
space. Which every
human has, unless he is a slave."
My Comment: I know I would do this slightly differently. I would be more
direct and forceful in my language that I am not prepared to accept this
kind of behaviour and if she wants to act like a child she can go to
kindergarten but not be with me.
Generaly: If a woman can not respect my boundaries, and my right to my own
time and place, I will probably put her into the "abnormal" slot and RUN!!!
Please note that this is not the same as threatening abandonment. A threat
of abandonment is a bad, bad, bad sign, no matter who's mouth it comes out
of. Abandonment is a part of our right to our own time and place, but I
think that because it really represents the end, it should only be used as a
last resort. I don't see that I ever have to threaten abandonment. If I have
been strong, indicated my boundaries firmly, given her a chance,
communicated
(she doesn't have to read my mind), and she is still abusive, abandonment
follows naturally.
My Comment: I think that threatening to walk away is a very powerful move if
done congruently. I think if you aren't prepared to use this you may be in
a weakened position overall.
Generaly: How can a woman relax when she is afraid of the end of
the relationship?
My Comment: Strangely enough, if they know that you are not going to put up
with nonsense (and you act appropriately when she acts "normally"), that you
are prepared to walk away or throw her out, then they can relax because
they know what to expect from you.
Generaly: So, what does this have to do this seduction? A woman doesn't
defend boundaries that are respected, and she will relax boundaries once she
feels safe. And strength is what makes women feel safe.
My Comment: Abandonment is a term that I am not sure I would use in this
circumstance. What I have seen is my friend tell his woman, "the door is
over there" if she didn't like something. Abandonment is, to me, leaving
someone not telling them "my way or the highway". The willingness to walk
away (call it "brinkmanship" if you want) can be a manipulative tool, but it
seems to also work, like power, as an aphrodisiac.
Oscar: "Overthink" I've come to realise techniques are not required
when attitude is one of absolute confidence. One change I made a couple
years past. In the past when a women would make a comment like, "looks
aren't everything" or "men only want
one thing" or what ever comment, I would make a defensive response like "oh
no, not me." Now, instead I don't let them suck me into anything like that.
I symply say ,"absolutely" no doubt about it, and for very good reason.
Clifford, this display of confidence and certainty puts her in her place,
exactly where she really wants to be. I simply do not "ever" defend
anything. Clifford, attitude is everything, technique is less important when
attitude is confident. Additionally almost any words work when confidence
prevails. Plus the fact that attitude controls words we used to express our
ideas and concepts. When we are confident, the right words to support it
just form themselves. When we feel weak, weak words make themselves
heard. Attitude is everything. Women respond to attitude.
"Never complain and never explain" These are words shared with me in the
past. I've tried this approach. I like it. Summarizing, Never defend
anything. Ever.
My Comment: Great advice. Thanks again.
Ash: I think that the qualities that make a person interesting or that they
use to maintain interest are naturally hypnotic so that may lend to or at
least help with a woman sleeping with them. Another thing that arouses
people's interest in general is having a successful life. Maybe we can
include that topic as well, since with the wide readership, I'm sure we can
pool all the info on how some of us are successful in one area and apply
that knowledge ourselves. The intent would then be to be successful in all
areas of our lives, which like I said is also a great aphrodisiac.
My Comment: One thing I have noticed in many different fields is how people
can take ideas from one area of life and apply them to another area. I have
seen this in many applications, such as a computer software designer I know
uses from his knowledge of physics to come up with unique software designs.
Ross (commenting on : The problem with her sister is three fold: one, she is
divorced with three kids; two, she's too old (my age, 42) to get involved
seriously with because I would want a family if I got that serious with
someone (and not someone else's) Not to make fun, but WOW, you think in some
pretty rigid categories! Serious means you want to have a family with the
person? Oh well....
My Comment: I only meant that if I woke up one day and found myself deeply
involved with someone, I would like it to be with someone that is a good
prospect for the long term. Someone with 3 kids and 42 is not the ideal in
my book.
Ross: (Commenting on "she's too intelligent and wise about relationships
which makes her dangerous and I don't want to get roped in") Too intelligent
and wise in order to what? To be Sarged? From what you say later on, she has
NEVER fully surrendered to a guy.......sounds like a good prospect to learn
how!
My Comment: When you play with fire, you can get burned. She is very sharp,
very wise about how to handle guys, and she is cleverly trying to lay the
groundwork for monomgamy and serious stuff, which I have managed to deflect
for the time being. I have the feeling that as things progress I will
sooner or later be given an ultimatum from her and that will be my exit
strategy. I have suggested to her that fully surrendering, now, to me, would
be an easy, comfortable and enjoyable experience. And she has expressed
curiosity to find out if that can be the case.
Ross (Commenting on "So I am internally debating with myself as to how far
do I want to take this with her sister. I decide to try and just close the
deal and keep my perspective on things, so I call her up and invite her over
for Tuesday night") What is the extent of the phone work you are doing with
her? Did you phone Sarge her?
My Comment: I spoke briefly with her twice before the incident I referred
to. Then we saw each other and I was on the phone with her for a bit over
an hour on Sunday night. Before I saw her the last time I had been debating
with myself what to do with her. I would have liked to invite her over
again but I told her on the phone that after the ridiculous way she acted
the last time that it would be a cold day in July before I invited her over
again (this was a big joke and we laughed about this). The phone
conversations I have been having lately have been going very well and I
think one of the main reasons is that I now like to dive in when something
controversial comes up (eg. I spoke to this other HB yesterday who was
telling me about her cat, I got interrupted and had to take another line and
when I came back I said "where were we? Oh yeah, we were talking about
pussies"). Or if they were to try and get me to act like I am not out just
to screw them I will purposely tell them that that's exactly what I am out
to do (always done jokingly, though, but with enough seriousness left to let
them think about it).
Ross (Commenting on "Tuesday is the one night she can't make it, so,
pretending to check my agenda, I suggest Wednesday night which she agrees.
I tell her to just come over and we'll talk and get to know each other")
Geez..this is REALLY overdoing the "come over or it's nothing" philosophy.
It's not a good idea to rigidly apply an idea.
My Comment: I think you're right. But I didn't (in my mind at least) make
it an "all or nothing" offer. She said I insisted but I remember the words
and I don't consider what happened as me insisting.
Ross: (Commenting on "Wednesday night I speak to her and she agrees to come
over for 8:30. At 9:30 she calls me up, very upset that as she has thought
about it she is very uncomfortable with
what's going on with me. Firstly, the business of checking my agenda as if
I was squeezing her into my schedule bothered her. She doesn't date very
often and when she does she wants it to be special and I made it like a
business appointment") Too eager to close? Lack of rapport? Or is she just
being a spoiled cunt?
My Comment: I think I must have come across like I was only after one thing.
I had great rapport in the bar when we met and we got along ok on the
telephone but I had purposely kept those telephone conversations short which
I now feel was a mistake. I think there is an element of battling for
control here as well. As I said, I didn't admit to anything directly and I
believe I am (for now at least) the one with the edge in the power struggle.
Ross (Commenting on "Then, I had the nerve to invite her over to my place
for a first date. She thought I was a gentleman, not a womanizer (which she
defined as a man constantly in search of a parent replacement, looking for
something that isn't real, etc.")Translation: just cuz I LOVE to fuck and
suck, doesn't mean you have to rub it in, buster! At least let me PRETEND to
be lady before I tongue every one of your orifices and suck you like a
Hoover on steroids! :):):)!
My Comment: Boy are you right! Women put up such an act until you get them
in bed and then they are worse than you are once they're there.
Ross: (Commenting on how she said I had insisted on her coming over to my
place) Ok..so you did NOT insist...I would have put her at her ease and
invited to meet her their in the first place.
My Comment: I think I need to work on my sensory acuity. With some women,
inviting them over is the right move and the wrong move with others.
My Comment (Commenting to Terry, below ) "I used to be friends with a woman
(actually still friends but she would only wait for me to call and one way
friendships I usually end) who told me of this short, bald, skinny and
nothing to look at guy who had the filthiest mouth she ever came across.
Yet her and all her friends thought he was
just the sexiest thing around."
Terry: Blatancy is the key. I was with my cousin the other day, and he
starts talking to this chick. He says to her, out of the blue, do you know
what a perineum is? She goes no, and he says it's the divider between your
asshole and your pussy, you know that piece of skin. and she laughs, and
mock slaps him, but she was glued to him after that. I was beet red and
moved out of conversation range.
My Comment: Your cousin just knows how to be the jerk women love.
Terry: He thinks he is a super nice guy, though. It is his blatancy. you
know, ask a 100 women to fuck and 1 will say yes, that principle.
My Comment: Pretty inefficient method, if you ask me.
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