Dudes I wouldn't mind hearing from: GreenTea, UncleWalker, Kwagmyre, Pussydriven, JohnnyC, Sleazy», ijjjji, Gibletpie, Jimbo and Davidclare (if they're still around, in the last three cases). Anybody else, it's not personal: these dudes have given me constructive input before. I'll keep an eye out for responses elsewhere.
Q. HOW DO I GET HIM TO BE MY BOYFRIEND?
A. You are asking the wrong question. To start with, any dude who you get involved with will either be open to the possibility of a relationship on some level -- or not. You cannot control this. Game effects how someone reacts emotionally to you, not their goals/values/personality.
That said, you can get a guy to be your boyfriend by:
1) Finding a dude who is at least marginally open to the possibility of the kind of relationship you want, and
2) Gaming him right
I will add, at this juncture, that if you game a dude right who is not open to the idea of a formal relationship, you can often still end up with a de-facto boyfriend - a relationship in all but name/rules/exclusivity. In fact, I'll say this now because it's important: the practical reality of your situation, i.e. what you see in front of you, matters much more to your results than any 'official designation' of relationship status.
All of this, however, begs the question:
Q. WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO GAME A DUDE RIGHT?
A. This isn't a 'system', but there are some ingredients that my experience repeatedly and strongly suggests make for "good" (effective, fun) game. This will be a STRATEGIC overview of the things you want to be looking out for.
1) He should be at emotional hookpoint before you sleep with him.
FORGET about making him agree to a relationship before you sleep with him. FORGET about establishing that you are "special" and "different" before you sleep with him through some sort of arbitrary ritual behavior like having him tell you so, or waiting three dates.
Do not bother trying to get him to appease your insecurity by asking him if he is like this with all the girls.
To the extent that you feel insecure, appease your OWN insecurity by doing what you can to be sure he's hit emotional hookpoint before you sleep with him. What do I mean by emotional hookpoint?
Emotional hookpoint is the intense, emotional, gut-level kind of attraction that most people think is required for a girl to spontaneously decide to fuck a guy. Guys feel this too - they just don't (usually) require it for sex. When guys are at emotional hookpoint, just like a girl in the same situation, they want to spend time around the person they're attracted to and have her think well of them and pay attention to them. EVEN IF THEY ARE PLAYERS. This as opposed to physical hookpoint, the quicker blink-fast assessment of whether a girl is doable.
Under the right circumstances, emotional hookpoint can happen very, very fast. It is important to be able to identify it when you see it, because as soon as you have it you've satisfied the first prerequisite for a solid close.
If you haven't hit emotional hookpoint it yet AND YOU WANT IT, don't put yourself in a situation where sex can happen and then refuse to have sex -- just try to keep subtle control of logistics such that the rate at which you approach a possible hookup roughly corresponds to the rate at which his emotional attraction is growing. If you can't think of a smooth, natural way to delay isolation until you've hit hookpoint, then you have to weigh your options and make a quick decision: would you rather bail on the interaction, or go for it and risk the possibility that you won't hit hookpoint at all? I'd like to stress gently, here, that no matter what there are no guarantees. Some guys can hit hookpoint after sex. Some will immediately before. And some, no matter how long you have with them, never will. In either case, a smooth interaction is key - smoothly bail, or smoothly go with it. In general, I would avoid any kind of 'status of the hookup' talk or obviously artificial speedbump.
Emotional hookpoint can happen very, very fast. I've gotten this kind of attraction in a matter of minutes from dudes and - while I wouldn't act on it that fast - I have every reason to believe based on my other experiences that this could be a totally solid close. Usually once you give a dude the idea (see below) and the chance, it's a matter of hours.
If you don't care about whether you hook up with the same dude again or get a "solid" close, you don't need to worry about whether you have hit emotional hookpoint. This is purely contingent on your goals.
2) When it comes to first hookup, he needs to think it was his own idea
This will be in DIRECT contrast with much of the advice that you'll read (specifically, from MEN) about how to hook up with guys.
Do not go in direct.
I'll say it again: Do. Not. Go. In. Direct.
For sweet merciful Christ only knows what fucking reason, a close is not a solid close unless the guy feels (on some seemingly subconscious, half-submerged level) that it was his own idea. In my experience this even applies to guys who know better and can tell when you are down to fuck. You STILL should not aggressively initiate with them for the first-time hookup. After that, do what you want, but the first time he has to think it's his own damn idea.
This presents certain obvious challenges.
The most important tool in your arsenal, sad as it is to say this, will probably be what I think of as the "Whiff," as in "a whiff of pussy." In ASF terms this is more than an IOI, but less than an SOI.
The whiff: while you're talking, drop in some sexual content that DOES NOT REFERENCE him directly at all, but presents you as a sexual person. It can involve shit you like to wear, fantasies you have, your EFA, funny stories from your past... Whatever. Hell, it can be physical - things that you're wearing.
An example I KNOW I've given on ASF before: "So I was shopping, and lately I've been really into buying brightly colored panties because, you know, I wear all black all the time... And I guess it makes me feel like I have a secret."
Another actual example:
Him: I admit when I started dating my current girlfriend, I was kinda baffled as to what I could help her out with... Because she doesn't even own a computer! I'm used to meeting girls by making myself useful.
Me: You meet girls through work, eh?
Him: Busted, I'm bad. I think I met the last three girls I dated before her through work...
Me: Shame on you! Sleeping with clients! Tsk, tsk.
Him: Well, I didn't sleep with all of them... Some of them I just dated.
Me: See, I don't get that - dating without sex. I mean, to me, if I'm going to spend all that time listening to a boy talk... He might as well make himself useful, you know what I'm saying?
In short, you want sexually charged conversation without any kind of implied intent. After you whiff enough times (and the required number varies drastically between guys, from "1" to "Am I gonna need to get you a map and a flashlight so you can find your dick already?" some switch in his brain will flip and he will go from thinking of you as abstractly fuckable ("I WOULD hit it..." to an actual prospect ("I COULD hit it..." If you're any good at people, you can sometimes identify the exact second when this happens... Which is cool.
Sometimes, particularly if a dude is used to being able to get sex, this switch will flip before you ever even open your mouth. Other times, you can flip this switch even if you are normally the type of girl a dude wouldn't even consider (for example, and from experience, if you are not asian and your dude is ordinarily a rice-chaser).
3) Appropriate Sexual Tension Management
If there is any important personality factor you should be able to gauge about a dude to effectively game him, I would say the ABSOLUTE TOP OF THE LIST is what I think of as his "tension orientation."
If you take relationships and sex down to their simplest level, they really just have two ingredients:
The satisfaction people get from sex, beyond the simple physical pleasure of it, comes from releasing tension.
Many guys, most typically guys who don't feel like they can get sex whenever they want... Are used to sexual tension without sexual release. If they think they can release sexual tension with you (read: get laid/get affirmation that you WILL or WOULD sleep with them/get validation that they are desirable), they will be interested in you because you can give them release from tension.
There is another category of guys - though this is more of a sliding scale than a binary thing - who are used to getting laid whenever they want. Often without realizing it, these guys will get progressively less thrilled with getting laid as time goes on because the certainty deprives them of tension. These guys will be interested in you if you can give them tension to release.
This is not the same thing as refusing sex - this is all about building sexual charge. In my experience, this is the most common mistake that girls make when dealing with player dudes: they want the dude, so they throw sex at him - which would work with guys who are release-driven, which is most guys. But what you really want to build with these guys is sexual charge! Tension!
It's worth keeping in mind that within this second orientation, guys have a tendency to become... Specialists. They may seek tension in the form of exploring kinkier and kinkier acts with the same woman, of seeking faster and more exhibitionist hookups, or simply of looking for sex with more and more or hotter and hotter women. Some of these will be compatible with your goals and others will not; don't expect him to change for you.
4) Be Touching Him
Kino matters as much for you as it does for dudes. Fucking pivotal.
Q. WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO GAME A DUDE WRONG?
As much as possible, avoid motivating people with feelings of obligation or guilt; inasmuch as you have goals, your goal is for them to want to do whatever it is that you want them to do. Obligation burns social currency.
Don't pay as much attention to the name of a relationship or 'magic words' ("love," "commitment," "exclusivity" as you do to its form and function (level and frequency of attention paid, emotional intimacy, passionate attraction)
If you feel like you need a man to complete you, you're doing something wrong.
If you value what you want over what you need, you're doing something very wrong. This is something you should think about.
Q. HOW CAN I BE MEMORABLY GOOD IN BED?
Some general pointers:
Nothing makes or breaks sex more than your level of inhibition. This shouldn't need to be said, but it does: move. It is genuinely worrying how many women apparently think of sex as a spectator sport. Be willing to work up a sweat. Next: verbal feedback matters. Communicate, positively, what works for you and what he can do to make you feel good. One "I rub the right side of it, not the left" goes a long way. One "Fuck me, daddy, please, yes, God" or "Mmmmso good" goes even further. Develop your ability to talk dirty. Make noise. It's ok to be nasty and raunchy and raw, if you've picked a trustworthy guy. And if you haven't, what's the point?
Get over your body insecurity the moment you start to get it on. Nobody is perfect, and you are the female of the fucking species - the way you look, taste, smell is designed to get him hard. Let go of any worries about your looks when you have your clothes off. Seriously, if they start to rise just... Let the thought go. Don't try to argue with it, release it. Meditation might be helpful to learn how to do this, if you can't already.
Technique matters, but raw enthusiasm matters more. If you need tips on giving head, I wrote up a tutorial at some point - fish for it in my archive. I stand by it.
Be what Dan Savage calls GGG: "Good, Giving, and Game". Be willing to try things he's into, even if you don't initially think you'll necessarily like them. Does it make him so hard to suck on your toes that he could drive nails with his dick? Well, don't turn that down. Does he want to spank you? Give it a go. You will end up liking new things you try more often than you might initially assume - in part because, if you're picking the right guys, seeing them turned on by it will turn you on.
Finally, and most importantly: build sexual tension between sessions. In a way, your next sexual encounter starts the moment he gets off.
Q. HOW DO I GET OVER SOMEONE? I DON'T WANT TO GFTOM
Again, general pointers:
When most people say "I want to get over him/her" what they mean is "I want more leverage in my relationship with him/her". The latter is frequently impossible. Be clear on your goals: the objective is to be able to say "If I could sleep with him/her, I wouldn't." No 'unless' allowed. No 'until' allowed. When you can say this, and mean it, you're over it. There is no other meaningful measure.
Don't think about him/her when you masturbate. Ever. Hard and fast rule. Every time you break this rule, you are setting yourself back. Call it the JOSB, Jerk-Off Set-Back rule.
Cut contact until you achieve your goal, to the extent that that's possible. If you must, delete the person from your phone or leave their number for the future with a friend who will duly mock you if you ask for it back. Alternately, in less extreme cases, simply set their ringer to 'silent' and don't call back. You can do that, right?
Sleeping with someone else will help - a lot - but generally it will only help a lot if you hit emotional hookpoint for them. So if you don't have any prospects handy that that's true of, go out and meet people. Aggressively expand your social circle until you meet a good prospect, game, repeat.
Even if you're doing all this, give it about three months. At least, that's how long it usually takes me to shake a nasty crush.
If any *girls* want to suggest questions they'd like to see added to this post, by all means let me know.
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